Indian Wife Confession

I apologize, this is a long confession, but there are lots of things to get

I love you, I really do. You do so many wonderful things for me and you can
be so thoughtful and sweet. I love how well you get along with my family,
and how good you are with my nephew. You and I have so much fun together;
sometimes you make me laugh harder than anybody. I love that you think I’m
beautiful and sexy and how affectionate you are. I love that you help
strangers and are so kind to children and the elderly.

But I don’t understand why things have to be so difficult. I understand
that your ex-wife did a number on you, and that you have a hard time
trusting. And after feeling like I was living with my parole officer for
the first year of our relationship, you are getting better about that. You
no longer treat me as guilty until proven innocent. But you still have
issues with what I can only guess is insecurity. I’ve done everything I can
think of to prove to you that you can trust me, and yet you still don’t.
You complain that I don’t give you access to my email and bank account, even
though you’ve given me the passwords to yours. Well you know what? I
didn’t WANT that access, and I don’t want you to have access to mine. Never
once have I logged on to your email account and read your emails. Never
once have I checked your bank balance. If there’s something in there that
you don’t want me to see, I don’t care. Because I TRUST YOU. If an
ex-boyfriend emailed me out of the blue and you found it, you would flip
out. It doesn’t matter that I didn’t initiate of invite it. I would have
to explain it to you, and I shouldn’t have to-you should trust me.

Along the same lines, you get so upset whenever I want to do something that
doesn’t involve you. When I want to watch a movie without you, you complain
I’m choosing it over you. Get a GRIP!! Sometimes I’m going to want to do
things by myself-I’m not giving up everything in my life that you don’t like
or want to do. It’s completely unfair to even ask that-and I DO NOT ask or
expect that from you. I don’t care if you go play golf or go hunting or
even just go out and eat wings with your buddies. I don’t need you to be
with me all the time, or to do everything with you, and I don’t feel at all
threatened by your desire to do things without me. Sometimes I’m just happy
you’re gone so I can do whatever I want!!

And everything always has to be the way that YOU want it to be or think it
should be. If you don’t like/agree with/understand it, it’s ridiculous.
And you tell me I shouldn’t feel bad when you disagree with me, that I
should be able to stand up for my opinions and desires-well, I get TIRED of
fighting for everything I want or like. Some things I just shouldn’t have
to defend! You call me lazy for wanting to sit and watch movies for a day
simply because you can’t stand to sit still. You’d rather drag me with you
while you go to Home Depot or go fishing so you don’t feel like you’ve
“wasted the day”. Well, maybe you should consider that I feel like my day
is “wasted” if I haven’t done the things that I wanted to do. And sometimes
I just want to RELAX! I’m the only one who ever does anything around our
house, and I get tired of it. And I LOVE to read-just because you don’t do
it doesn’t mean that it’s pointless and I shouldn’t do it.

I know it bothers you, but I’m going to join a band. Singing is what I was
built for, it’s what I love, and it’s getting to the point where I don’t
even care how you feel about it. I did without it for so long because you
didn’t want me to do it. You’re afraid it’s going to take up all my time,
and I think deep down you don’t want guys watching me and hitting on me, and
you’re afraid I’ll meet someone else and leave you. But the bottom line
is, music is important to me, almost more important than anything, and I
feel you need to just accept that and be supportive and enthusiastic. NOT
put me down for even wanting it and then listing all the reasons I shouldn’t
do it. I would NEVER do that to you. Again, you need to TRUST me-give me
the chance to screw up, at least, before you beat me up about it.

And don’t even get me started on the sex issue. You’ve been so much better
about that, but any time we go more than three days without you (yes, you,
not US) getting some action, you flip out about it all over again. So
here’s the deal: YES, I wanted sex more often in the beginning of our
relationship, but that’s because you were Prince Charming then. NO, I don’t
want to have sex every day-I might if I wasn’t so tired from fighting with
you and cleaning up after you. YES, you need to get me in the mood, and NO,
starting to jerk off while I’m in the bathroom getting ready for bed does
not count. YES, the sex is great, but frankly, you’re just too rough
sometimes. It seems like you need that to finish, but it makes me feel like
you don’t care if it hurts me or not-as if I’m just an object you’re using
and your pleasure is ultimately what matters. And then you want me to want
to have sex later that same day or the next day? You’ve got to be kidding.
And I don’t think it’s fair that if I’m not going to have sex with you, you
feel entitled to a blow job or a hand job. Every. Single. Day. You are
very generous to me in bed-you love to please me, and I know that, but I
feel like you don’t listen.

It’s a running theme with you, I think. We’ve talked about all of these
things, but they are still problems. You do realize them, I think, and you
say you’re going to try to be better (and you have, in so many ways). I
really hope you do, because if things don’t improve, I will leave you. I
spent too long learning who I am and how to love myself to let you slowly
wear me down and erode me. I love you dear, but your issues could kill this
relationship. I’m so torn, because I really do love you, but the thought of
marrying you and spending the rest of my life this way absolutely terrifies

-An Indian wife confession