The Lust

Okay…. I really need to get this off my chest. I’m new to reddit so please be kind and gentle. Right now I’m just frazzled and at a confused state because of what happened between my boss and I. Also, I apologize beforehand if I get a little too graphic here, since I haven’t told anybody what has happened. Alright.. For a little background info:

I’m 18 and I’ve been working for a tutor center for children for the past 7 months. I’m still in high school and I took the job to gain work experience and to get a little extra pay. It was my first job, so I was new to the whole “employed” experience. It wasn’t too difficult to tutor the children and aid them in basic arithmetic and reading, and I was enjoying it quite a bit. However, my boss (he’s 37) has been a huge distraction for me since the first month of working here. He’s incredibly attractive, fit and he has this intriguing flirty personality and caustic attitude about him. He’s also really funny and exudes this youthful and lustful air about him. Anyhow, I think he caught on to my attraction towards him by the way I was acting (I’d get nervous, look at his body whenever he was turned, etc) and he has been “flirting” with me since around October. He has a nickname for me and treats me like a friend. I honestly felt uncomfortable at times around him because he’d look down at my legs a lot, especially when he’d say, “See ya” to me. Other times he’d smile at me knowingly, making me melt on the inside and we’d be staring at each other for ten seconds. His flirtatiousness made my crush stronger but also made me a bit self conscious because he probably knew I liked him, since I’d smile and look down whenever he’d be “flirty.” He definitely has a “player personality.” Anyhow, since he’s my boss I never overstepped my boundaries or flirted back. Sometimes I would give him a little attitude whenever he’d tease me, but overall I was always obedient and did my best in tutoring the students.

Anyways, this whole situation has been building up until I was sure he liked something about me. Around a week ago after work, he asked me to stay overtime to talk with him about my “work hours.” We were alone in the small complex and he gave me that knowing smile again which made me shake and melt on the inside. He then started playing with my hair and saying, “—- you look nice.” I couldn’t maintain eye contact with him and kept looking down. He went closer to me and I could feel my heart beat extremely fast and my breath was getting heavier. It’s as if he knew he was making me feel this way. He started kissing me on my cheek and neck and I was frozen the whole entire time. He then started stripping me down and was kissing my whole entire body and I was just frozen and feeling incredibly aroused. I didn’t day anything because I didn’t know what the hell was going on. I’ve never been sexually touched or kissed like this. He was sucking on all parts of my body and I was moaning (embarrassingly) and he was saying things like, “Keep moaning..its so sexy.” I was really caught up in the moment. I was still standing there as he ate me out and kept saying, “— you have a beautiful body, — you’re so beautiful.” Basically to spare more details, he had sex with me.

I didn’t really know what to do at that moment. Inside in my deepest conscience it felt wrong, but physically and emotionally everything felt so good. It’s as if he awakened a new part of me, but I can’t help but to feel taken advantage of when I look back on it. I didn’t say anything the whole time except “Yes” when he asked me, “Does this feel good?” because I was slightly afraid but mostly aroused. Theres a part of me that wants to regret this, but I can’t, but now I’m in love with him because he was so intimate with me. I mean, he was gentle and he was kissing me the whole entire time, making sure it felt good. I believe he sensed my attraction from the beginning and he knew I was a bit innocent. I never had a boyfriend before nor did I ever want one because I was too focused on my schoolwork and extracurricular activities… And my first experience was with a man 20 years older.. Anyhow work has been awkward this past week, ever since that happened and I told him he took my virginity, and now he’s been distant but told me it was a mistake but that he has “fondness and affection towards me.” I apologize for my rambling, I had to confess this. I haven’t told anyone since he’s asked me not to