Confession of a College Topper Girl

I was studious and a topper in my class. There was a guy from the same class and the same tuition, I saw him every day. He was good-looking and charming, easy to notice. I started feeling something for him as I saw him day in and day out. We began having eye contact, and he would ask me about lecture notes. I used to blush but never expressed my feelings. He wasn’t great in academics, but he was smart in projects and extracurricular activities.

In the final year of college, he sent me a Facebook request, and one day he expressed his feelings. I accepted because he was my crush. We started talking and meeting outside after college. One day, my brother disclosed everything to my father, which was traumatic for me. My father beat me, and I was convinced not to talk to him anymore. I went on to study engineering, and we parted ways. He contacted me through my best friend, and we started talking again. After two years, my brother noticed, and once again, my father slapped me.

I agreed to keep my distance because my career was more important to me. But we still kept in touch, though he continuously tormented me, accusing me of having contact with other boys, which wasn’t true. During the lockdown, he suddenly stopped talking to me after a big fight. It was heartbreaking for me. I cried every day, but eventually, I made new friends over the next two years. I started my job and moved to a different city. Then he contacted me on my birthday, and we met and grew close again. I couldn’t deny my feelings for him. We spent around two years in a close relationship. I used to spend more money because he wasn’t earning much.

When it came to marriage, we both informed our families, but mine started pressuring me as he was from a different caste. I insisted my family at least have a discussion, but they targeted both of us. My father beat me again during this period. I attempted suicide but survived. My parents and brother kept me at home, and I faced daily fights because they were insisting on marriage, and I didn’t want to.

Now, they’ve told me I can work only if I agree to marry within my caste. I agreed, thinking I’d find a way out if I could just get away. But now, every Saturday and Sunday, my parents bring new biodata and pressure me to come home and meet the guy. My only thought is not to leave my job because my boyfriend is also not financially strong. I have a good salary now, but my boyfriend, out of fear of my family, is convincing me to leave my job, saying my family might kill him. He’s too scared to seek help from a lawyer, as they’re expensive, and he believes the police could be bribed by my family.

I’m not ready to leave my job because my career is important, and I believe we should seek help instead of staying home out of fear and ruining our careers.

It seems he’s not interested in solving our problems and is instead blaming me, saying that because I’m sticking to my job, we can’t marry. I agreed, but I don’t feel like I can spend my life with someone else. I feel he’s the type to move on easily if I leave because he used to talk to other girls when we weren’t in contact.

I feel very insecure as my family opposes me, and yet my boyfriend is asking me to leave my job in case my family starts harassing us if we have a court marriage. I feel like filing a case against my parents for harassment, but I worry about losing my parents and whether he’ll agree to leave my job in case my family starts harassing us if we have a court marriage.

I feel like filing a case against my parents for harassment, but I worry about losing my parents and whether he’ll agree to support my career as I’ll be dependent on him. Sometimes, I fall into depression and have thoughts of ending my life because I don’t have anyone to express my situation to.

What should I do?