Confession of Girl’s First School Proposal Request

I am a 22 years old woman working in a software job. A boy fell in love with me when I was in the 9th grade, and at that time, he was in intermediate school. We are from the same hometown. When I was in 10th grade, his parents suddenly forced him to marry a girl because they somehow found out about our relationship. He was forcibly married to another girl, and unfortunately, I also had to attend the wedding with my family because my mom couldn’t leave me alone at home. After a month of marriage, he decided to apply for a divorce because he still loved me. They got divorced, and that girl remarried two months later.

Afterward, we reconnected. I excelled in academics, completed my graduation with 85%, got a job in my final semester, and have been working since then. On the other hand, he stopped studying after intermediate because his father wanted him to work on their farm. While I was pursuing my studies, he remained in the agricultural field. Now, my parents are looking for well-educated matches with good incomes for me. He is still working in agriculture, with no significant earnings. He also drinks alcohol and consumes things like pan and gutka. I have told him many times to quit these habits, and he always said he would, but after a few days, he would start drinking again for various reasons.

After I started my job, he would ask me for money for phone recharges and health issues. He even asked me for money for drinking, lying about needing it for hospital visits or job searches in the city. I trusted him and gave him money many times, only to find out that he used it for drinking. I forgave him many times. After countless lies and fights, he recently told me, “I won’t lie anymore. I lied because I was afraid of losing you and didn’t have enough money to survive. I never wanted to cheat or hurt you, I can’t live without you,” and other similar things.

A few months ago, I discovered that he had been lying to me all along. I warned him and told him that I could never trust him again. I also told him that my parents want me to get married this year. He was shocked and said, “Your happiness is more important to me than anything else.” He then told me that after my marriage, he would end his life after seeing me happy with another man because he can’t live without me.

But I love him so much. We’ve been together for about 10 years. I can’t forget him or the happy moments we shared. Wherever I go, I have memories with him. I can’t cheat someone else by marrying them because the future husband won’t know about my past. I can’t live a happy life with my past memories and with an innocent future husband. I can’t cheat him! I don’t know what to do now. Should I marry a man I love who isn’t settled, or should I go for an arranged marriage with a well-settled man? Sorry for the lengthy story. Thank you so much for spending your precious time reading my confession.