I am 33years married female women. It took a lot of courage to come here and confess. I got married 6 years ago. My husband was living abroad, and after our marriage, I also moved with him. In the beginning, everything was normal between us. After marriage, we spent one and a half months together, and after that, he left while I was waiting for my visa. A few months later, I also got my visa, and we started living together. For a few months, everything was okay, but all of a sudden, he stopped showing affection or interest in physical relations.
In the beginning, I thought it was because of stress or just regular things, but instead of getting better, it got worse. (It’s been 5 years already without any physical relations). After a year or so, I discussed this issue with my parents and suggested he take medication or see a doctor. I tried to convince him, but he wasn’t ready for anything. So, after a lot of arguments and fights, I had to talk with his parents about this issue. When I talked with them, they all blamed me, saying that I wasn’t giving him food and that everything was fine before marriage.
Now that this was happening, it must be my fault. I was devastated to hear this. We love each other, and he doesn’t have any extramarital affair. During all this time, I was and still am loyal to him. I am a very open-minded girl and come from a family where we can discuss any issues clearly. So, I asked him if he was attracted to any other girl or boy, but he said there was nothing like that, and I believe him. His family is very orthodox. He can hardly express anything with them, and when I told them about this issue, their ego got hurt, and they behaved very badly. After that, I thought I’m the daughter-in-law, so I have to say sorry. So, I called and asked for forgiveness.
We sorted things out with his family, and they went to see some pandit who told them that someone did black magic on him and that’s why this was happening. (For me, this was the most ridiculous thing someone ever told me). But I said, “Okay, see what you can do in this,” as I wanted to fix everything between us. Four years passed like this, living with him as a roommate, and then we went back to India. They didn’t do anything or ever talk about this issue or see a doctor.
One main thing I forgot to mention is that my husband has not been working for 3-4 years. He’s studying, and I am the one doing everything-paying his fees and other expenses. His family knew that, but still, before coming here, they all fought with me, saying I did black magic on their son and now I would run away with someone else. While his father was talking this nonsense, his sister was telling me to get divorced (she’s also been divorced for 7-8 years). They talked nonsense about me and my family and told me that I made this issue public, but honestly, in my family, only my parents know about this. I never said anything to anyone.
They were saying I got married for money and to live abroad, and now that I am a citizen, I will leave-without any concern for their son’s issue. I was working well before marriage, and in my family, everyone is working and earning well. His parents don’t have any relationship with their siblings or other relatives-they’re saying that because of money, the other relatives are not talking with them. (His father was a government officer, so he’s arrogant and so full of himself. He and his other family members think that the world revolves around them, and everyone else is nothing).
It’s been more than six months, and I am still stuck in all this. From time to time, his father or sister will message something just to hurt my husband and me. I have been having anxiety and panic attacks since then, but it doesn’t matter. My father talked with his father after this, and his father told him that your daughter will kill my son. So, my father also responded that she’s the one helping him with everything, even after having all these issues.
Now his sister messaged, saying that we just came here to break relations with them and that this was the plan from the beginning. I am not understanding how someone can be so ungrateful. I was doing everything-sending cakes and gifts on their birthdays or Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, asking every time if they needed anything. His sister never called in all these years, and now she’s telling me how I am breaking the family. She doesn’t know anything about family-she got divorced in just one month, and even after all these years, they’re giving different reasons every time someone asks about her divorce.
Now, after everything, my husband is not talking with them, and that’s why they’re so furious to hurt me and him. I told him to go back to his family, and if they want to get rid of me, we can file for divorce, as there is nothing left in our marriage. After that fight, before, it was just a physical relations issue, but now it’s family too. I am not sure what to do in this situation-I don’t have a married life, his family is giving me mental trauma, and on top of that, blaming me for things I never even did. Please suggest.
Question: What should I do?
1: Leave him and his family
2: Try to live like this and suffer