I got married in an arranged marriage setup at 28 to a boy who I thought loved me, with our parents’ approval. I liked him too, as it felt easy to be with him. We both were working outside India, whereas our parents were living in India. We got married in a big, beautiful way with our near and dear ones, friends, and relatives. Soon after the wedding, his father stopped talking to our family (because of jealousy, as our family came across better than theirs).
He blamed my father for small issues and cut ties with my parents. This made me uncomfortable, and I communicated this to my then husband. He asked me to give it some time. But even after a year, when things didn’t change, I started getting impatient and irritated. This affected our relationship. We couldn’t be harmonious and used to get defensive every time we talked. The boy couldn’t confront his father; instead, he joined them in blaming me and my family for shortcomings.
I wanted to leave the house, but I chose to stay. I didn’t do anything wrong, why should I flee? He and his family harassed me and tortured me for a good 1.5 years. I decided to put up with it because I wanted to handle my marriage myself in a foreign country (also, I didn’t want to regret that I didn’t give my 100%). They refused to talk to elders in my family in India. Finally, the boy filed for divorce, and I decided to accept it after discussing with my family.
When I accepted the decision to divorce, he wanted to revoke it, but I stood firm in my decision to separate from him legally. I made sure that we went through this process amicably, and we parted on good terms. This was when I was 32 to 33 years old. I am so happy with my decision, but I feel pained by his actions. Why get married when you don’t intend to work on the relationship? I got a really good job soon after, and I thought I came out stronger, but I still feel disturbed by the memory.
I am a little fearful and scared to trust anyone. I feel lost and depressed. I feel frustrated with my search, and this affects my parents a lot. I want to blame my parents for my divorce. I feel helpless, even though externally, it may seem like I’ve got this. It really bothers me deeply that I am single/divorced at the age of 36. I crave a loving, happy married life with beautiful kids.
Here’s hoping. Grateful for my family’s support and my faith in God to show me the way.
PS : I came to know that the boy got married again, but it isn’t going well, as his current wife reached out to me for help! Talk about karma.