I started dating him in June last year, and for the first time, I allowed myself to fall in love. Given my past, relationships have always been difficult for me. I have a history of childhood sexual abuse by two different men, which left lasting effects on me. Because of that, my relationships never lasted more than three months. I would always feel scared to go on dates or get close to someone, but as I’ve grown older, things have gotten better.
When I met him, everything felt right. I’m a doctor, training to be an oncologist, and he was a chemical engineer. In the beginning, he was incredibly sweet he would take me out, show affection, and make me feel special. My love language is being cared for and receiving affection, while his was physical touch and gifts. I made an effort to meet his needs, buying him thoughtful gifts, and while we were physically involved, we had clear boundaries.
We would hug, kiss, and make out a little, but I never took my clothes off, and he respected that. Our plan was to wait until marriage. Two months into our relationship, he lost his job, and everything changed. Living in a country without his family, I understood how difficult that must have been for him. I supported him emotionally, visited him at work while he was doing odd jobs, and continued showing love in the way he valued buying him gifts, even expensive ones like perfumes he specifically requested. But no matter what I did, it felt like nothing made a difference. He became distant, withdrawn, and less affectionate.
During this time, I wanted to take our relationship seriously. Since things were going well, I asked him to involve his family, but he kept delaying it, even though he repeatedly told me that he loved me and would never leave me. Whenever I brought it up, he would say that the day he got a job would be the day he would talk to his family. I reassured him that my family wouldn’t care whether he had a job or not, and I promised that I would make sure everything was fine on my side.
But still, he insisted on waiting. I was okay with that I trusted that he would find a job soon, and I believed in him. I never doubted that he was serious about me. However, when I traveled to my home country for a while, the distance between us grew even more. I asked him if he could at least tell his sister or brother about me, just so I could feel some sense of security. But he refused.
I even told him that I had confided in my sister because we don’t keep secrets, and it felt unfair that I was being hidden. At one point, out of frustration, I threatened to leave him if he didn’t involve his family because what was the point of continuing if there was no future? While I was trying to be patient, I also helped him financially. He got into a car accident, and I lend him $4,000, which he promised to repay over two years.
I never pressured him about it, but I suggested he could start paying a small amount each month. Instead of appreciating that, he would tell me he’d rather just sell his car and pay me back immediately, as if I were demanding it. But I wasn’t l even reassured him that I wanted him to keep his car so he wouldn’t regress in his career. Eventually, I introduced him to my sisters, and he agreed to meet them, but only under the condition that they wouldn’t ask him any questions which wasn’t realistic.
That very weekend, he finally got a job, but instead of keeping his promise to involve his family, everything took a turn for the worse. That night, we were texting, and I brought up something that had been bothering me for months he had blocked my calls for three months, which meant I could only communicate with him via text. I told him it upset me that if something happened to me, I wouldn’t even be able to reach him.
He unblocked me that night, but he dismissed my concerns. He said I argued too much and that he didn’t want to deal with it anymore. And just like that, he ended things. It broke me. The very day he got the job he had been waiting for the job that was supposed to be the reason he hadn’t involved his family he chose to leave me instead. I had done everything I could. I had been patient, I had supported him, I had loved him the way he wanted to be loved, and yet, he still walked away.
I keep wondering was it because of the couple of times I threatened to leave? Was it because, in a heated argument, I once told him to fuck off? Were those things really enough for him to lose all his feelings for me? Or was his love never real to begin with?