From 2016 to 2017 We were best friends. At that time, I was in a relationship with someone else who ditched me many times. My best friend knew everything about that relationship, but he liked me. He confessed in 2019, and we’ve been in a relationship for 6 years now. I felt like he is a shy person because whenever we met, he didn’t hold my hand or show other sweet gestures, but he would do those things when no one was around.
After 2 years, I started telling him about my love language, but instead of understanding, he started telling me that I complain too much. Then I acted like him in public so that he would understand, and although he improved a little, I eventually stopped bringing it up.
1. He has been working in the same job since 2019 at a law firm where he doesn’t like the work. I talked to him about switching jobs, doing something better, and I even offered to help, but he never understood. It’s been 3 years of him saying, “I’ll switch, I’ll switch,” but he’s still in the same job without any growth, which is a major reason why I hesitate to marry him. He doesn’t seem serious about our future. After 3 years, I stopped asking him to switch jobs or learn something new. I started thinking that a partner is more important than money, so I removed this hurdle from my marriage plan.
2. It’s been 6 years, and although he talks about marriage, he has never proposed to me. I asked him a few months ago, and he said he wants to plan something big for that day, which is why it hasn’t happened yet. Even if he proposed with a ₹500 ring, I’d be the happiest, but he hasn’t done anything. I am a jewelry designer, and I made a ring for him which I gave him after Valentine’s Day. He wore it, then gave it back to me, saying he doesn’t deserve it and will wear it again when he feels like he does.
3. He has never celebrated any festival with me in our 6 years of relationship. We live in the same city. I brought it up in 2024, and he had no explanation. In 2025, he came to my home to celebrate Holi for the first time, but it felt like he came forcefully.
4. He saved 2 to 3 lakhs for our marriage and used to tell me he was saving for us. But without thinking about us, he gave all his savings to his elder brother and brother-in-law. When he shared this with me, I was shocked. I asked him why he didn’t think about us first, and he said they were in a tough situation, so he gave them the money.
Whenever he thinks of buying a bike or car for himself, he ends up giving his savings to his brother. His priority is only his family. He forgets about me whenever he is with them. He introduced me to his family only after 4 years of relationship, when all his friends were getting engaged.
5. He doesn’t upload our pictures on his DP, social media posts, or stories. I used to ask him why he doesn’t show me to everyone, and he said it’s because of the evil eye. Every topic I raise, he considers a complaint. When I see no progress on it, I drop the topic because, for me, the presence of the person is more important.
6. A few days ago, I saw in his social media history that he watched YouTube videos of his ex and her son. That was only a 4 to 6 month relationship, 8 to 9 years ago. I don’t know how to talk to him about it. I’ve always been loyal to him.
7. There are many other reasons too. He also lies sometimes, thinking I’ll get angry if he tells the truth.
It has been 6 years, but I’m still not sure whether I should marry him or leave him. I’m an overthinker, but I don’t know what to do. He is a very good, kind person a good human being, son, friend, and brother but I don’t feel like he’s the right person for me. We never cheated on each other. Some people say everything will be fine after marriage. I don’t know what to do now.
Question: What do you think? Do I seem like an overthinker, or are these major issues?
Option 1: Do we need a relationship coach or not?
Option 2: Should I talk to him again about this or leave him?
Option 3: What would you do if you were in this situation?