I got engaged in March 2022. Before the engagement, we knew each other for 15 days, met three times, and talked on WhatsApp. It was an arranged marriage setup. During our *roka* after 15 days, my mom told them about our financial situation and that we would do everything accordingly. He was a businessman, and we were from a lower middle class background. His parents agreed to everything.
One month later, we got engaged. I didn’t have a boyfriend, but he had a girlfriend for eight years, with whom he had a physical relationship. He told me to be intimate with him, but I refused, saying it wasn’t possible before marriage. He assured me, “I will never leave you because we are engaged, and I have put a ring on your finger in front of 200 people.” Trusting him, I allowed some level of physical intimacy, but we never had sex, maybe because God stopped it every time. Somehow, I was always saved from going that far. I am still a virgin.
Before marriage, he told me that while we could have sex, he couldn’t give me gifts because his parents would scold him. He said he couldn’t spend money on me, but his parents never set any restrictions on premarital sex. However, he never forced me to drink alcohol and even visited temples with me. I couldn’t understand his personality. His entire family drank alcohol, was modern, and had no respect for God.
He didn’t even know the names of deities properly. Yet, they wanted a *sanskari* daughter-in-law who couldn’t stand up for herself, had no rights, and was only expected to respect everyone even when no one respected her. Despite knowing about our financial situation, his parents demanded a lavish wedding. They also never informed us that they had an alcohol cabinet at home.
Even he didn’t know the names of deities properly, yet after the engagement, he quit alcohol and started visiting temples. He also told his parents they wouldn’t have a big wedding, taking a stand for me. However, his mother manipulated him. She was extremely greedy and used to check her husband’s and son’s pockets. One day, he told me that I would have to give my entire salary to him because I would be living in his house.
I refused, saying, “You don’t give me your full salary, so why should I give mine? I can give 50%, but not everything.” He didn’t agree he wanted 100% of my salary because his mother had poisoned his mind. His parents also harassed my parents. One month before the wedding, I found out about their alcohol cabinet. Being a spiritual person, I couldn’t accept it. His mother told me, “It’s our home; we will drink.
Who are you and your family to stop us?” But they never asked their son why he agreed to marry me despite knowing our values. Instead, they blamed me. One month before the wedding, his parents broke our engagement. He cried and begged them, but they didn’t listen. However, he kept talking to me for the next four months, checking if I had eaten and taking care of me.
After four months, he brought his parents to my house, but his father insulted me, saying, “You are a poor girl. You have to live according to us and give us your salary. If a divorce happens, we won’t give you alimony.” I didn’t want alimony, but they were still demanding my salary. He was unaware of his father’s behavior. His father even said that I would have to do all the household chores, including hanging his towel.
His friends praised his parents, saying they were great. But they only came back to us because their son’s friends wanted to do business with him and influenced him to reconcile. Nobody listened to me just because I was from a lower middle class family. I was so mentally exhausted that I told my father everything. My father was heartbroken again and insulted their family, telling them never to return.
Now, he has married another girl who drinks alcohol, is modern, and is outspoken. His parents are now crying and regretting their decision. He also tried to contact me, but I don’t want to break another girl’s home. His father forced him to marry another girl because my father insulted their family. I have moved on, but sometimes I regret it because he was changing for me. He never forced me to drink or do anything against my will. Still, I couldn’t help him.
Now, he is facing many issues with his wife because she is modern, but I don’t care. What hurts me is the insult and pain his family caused me. They said I wasn’t mature because I didn’t have a boyfriend and didn’t drink alcohol. Even after getting a modern daughter-in-law, they are unhappy because she makes dance reels on Instagram, which they don’t like. Drinking alcohol is acceptable, but wearing shorts isn’t.
They are modern for themselves, not for their daughter-in-law. Now, they regret it, but I don’t care about them anymore. The only thing that still hurts is their insults. I always wanted to be a one man woman, and he knew this. Yet, they still insulted me. He cried but never told his family the full truth he only admitted to asking for my salary but never mentioned the pressure for a big wedding. He also knew from the beginning that I didn’t drink alcohol.
Even after two years, I still can’t forget the trauma they caused me. He recently tried to contact me again, but I blocked him everywhere. I don’t want money l want respect for myself and my spirituality. Still, I am confused about his personality. His relatives told me that he and his wife are getting divorced not because of me, but because his parents want alcohol at home, but no Instagram reels.
His wife refuses to live under their conditions. His marriage, like mine, was arranged due to his father’s pressure. He never posted any photos with his wife because he didn’t want me to feel bad. He never forced me to drink, and after realizing I wouldn’t engage in premarital sex, he stopped asking. But still, he was too scared of his mother to even buy me a rose, and he only asked for my salary because she told him to.
He did take a stand for me once by refusing a big wedding. I am really confused about his personality, but I still love him because he was my first love. I have never picked up his calls he has only contacted me twice. Now that he is getting divorced not because of me but because of his parents he is trying to reach out.
Question:
Should I accept him if he gets divorced?
Option 1: Should I find another guy?
Option 2: Should I focus on my career and job?