It’s been a year since I got married. I lost my father five years ago, so it’s only my mother, my elder sister, and my younger sister. Mine was an arranged marriage in which my mother and her family were completely involved from the beginning of the wedding process until the marriage was over. We do not come from a financially stable family.
I had approximately 7 lakhs saved from my job, and my mother receives a pension from my dad, but she never had a huge financial need for my wedding. Also, my elder sister’s wedding was financially supported by my mother’s brother and sisters, as my granny felt it was their responsibility to do so for the first granddaughter. As it was an arranged marriage, the groom’s side naturally expected a decent amount of gold to be given to the bride and a proper wedding ceremony.
However, we were not in a position to bear the complete wedding expenses. My mother and her family spoke to the groom’s side and agreed to split the expenses 50 to 50, which the groom’s side accepted. But knowing my mother’s financial condition, I requested my family to discuss with the groom’s family that we might not even be able to bear 50% of the expenses and to propose a simple wedding.
However, none of my family members were willing to have this conversation as they did not want to appear incapable of even covering 50% of the expenses, especially since my aunts and uncle have government jobs and live comfortably. My mother, being overconfident, did not want to appear as though she couldn’t afford the wedding. Since it was an arranged marriage, I couldn’t openly discuss finances with my husband back then.
I indirectly asked him about his opinion on a very simple wedding, and he mentioned that he was okay with it but, as the eldest son, his family would want at least a decent wedding ceremony. After hearing this, I was unable to push for a simpler wedding. As the wedding date approached, my mother still didn’t have the money. I was very particular about purchasing some basic gold for myself and my groom on behalf of my mother, as I did not want to be treated with disrespect after marriage for not having a single piece of gold.
However, my family wanted me to invest that money in wedding expenses instead and inform my husband and in-laws after the wedding that I didn’t have any gold. One of my aunts stepped forward and convinced me not to worry about the wedding expenses, promising to take care of it. She borrowed around 10 lakhs from moneylenders at interest for my wedding.
However, this aunt has a behavioral issue, She speaks in a very rude tone and started mistreating my husband’s family, bossing over them just because she helped with the money. To be honest, my husband’s side created no issues at all, but my aunt and uncle constantly acted rudely and bossed over everything, even interfering in situations like me and my husband going out post wedding. They expected me to stand by them even when my husband’s family was not at fault.
Since I did not support their behavior, they stopped talking to me after the wedding, withdrew from all post wedding rituals, and immediately started demanding the 10 lakhs back. This has been going on for a year now. None of my aunts, uncles, or even my granny have called or spoken to me since my marriage. My elder sister has always been selfish since childhood and has not spoken to me or my younger sister since my wedding.
I have already informed my husband and his family that my elder sister and I are no longer in touch. However, I am unable to reveal to my husband and in-laws why my uncle, aunt, and granny are also distant since my marriage. I suffer each day because my husband’s family is amazing-they all share a strong bond, call us every day, and are always concerned about our well being. My husband and I moved to London post wedding, and his family remains involved in our lives.
Meanwhile, my mother has bad financial habits she associates with people who fool her into believing she can get large sums of money from a trust if she invests 2 to 3 lakhs. She has a history of losing money, repeatedly borrowing and sending money to fraudsters, and never listens to us, no matter how many times we try to explain things to her. She is now trying to arrange 10 lakhs using the same fraudulent schemes to repay my aunt.
I have begged her to take a valid approach, such as vacating our leased house in Bangalore and using that money to settle the debt. My younger sister recently moved to Chennai after securing my father’s job on compassionate grounds, and we’ve asked my mother to move there as well. However, she stubbornly insists on staying in Bangalore alone, trying to raise money through these scams.
She is paying more than 30k in interest each month to my aunt, who is demanding full repayment immediately. Being in London, I feel helpless and orphaned none of my family members call me except my younger sister. My mother is rude and sometimes fakes concern in her conversations. It is becoming increasingly obvious to my husband and in-laws that something is wrong, as no one from my family has been involved with us since our wedding.
I do not want my in-laws to know the truth, but I struggle to keep faking things with my husband. It’s getting harder to pretend that my family is normal. I didn’t want my family to be portrayed badly, but as time passes, it’s becoming increasingly difficult to keep up this act. Should I open up and discuss these issues with my husband, or should I continue hiding the truth about my family?
I fear that if I remain silent now, I might not be able to voice concerns in the future if any issues arise with my in-laws. I feel guilty that my husband did not get good in-laws, whereas I got the kind of family any girl would hope for after marriage.
Question: Should I share my family’s situation and their behavior with my husband?
Option 1: Don’t tell your husband and balance both.
Option 2: Don’t stress yourself by hiding it from your husband.
Option 3: Tell everything to your husband and be happy with your in-laws.