I’m seeking a divorce now. Not because I ever wanted to get married, but because life has been one endless struggle. The downs have always outweighed the ups. Growing up was chaos. My home? Nothing but fights, hatred, and zero compromises. There was no love, no peace just constant pain. Still, I convinced myself I could rise above it all. But now? Looking back, I don’t think I ever did.
It still haunts me, and I don’t even know what hurts more the life before marriage or the life after it. Every single day was a battle just to survive, just to breathe. The fights I witnessed at home scarred me so deeply that I reached a breaking point. I couldn’t take it anymore. So, I ran away, thinking I had found love. I got married, believing that maybe, just maybe, I would finally get the love I craved from his family. But that day never came. Instead, I found myself suffocating again.
Every time I mentioned his parents’ toxic behavior, my husband brushed it off like it was nothing. But to me? It was everything. It was killing me inside. I started to question myself: Why am I here, suffering for the bare minimum, just like I did at home? What’s the point? It was the same old misery in a different setting. So I left. I came back to my family home, but it’s no better here. I’ve always asked God why am I denied love? He’s answered every other prayer, but not this one.
God, when will you finally answer me? All I have left is hope, but hope is such a fragile thing. Do you know what I’ve realized? I’ve become someone who sees herself as always alone. It’s my defense mechanism now, a way to protect myself from more heartbreak. Maybe I let my guard down, and that’s why all of this happened. Now, I’m trying to heal, but it’s a never ending process. My friends tell me that better days are coming, but I can’t help but doubt it.
Most days, I feel like I’m starting over from zero. It’s ironic some days, I act like I’ve made it, like I’ve achieved something worth celebrating. But deep down, I know it’s all a façade. For those of you who think this isn’t a great story, trust me the hell I went through was enough to destroy me. It tore me apart piece by piece. Here’s what I want to leave you with: No one cares. So, do it for yourself. Celebrate yourself.
Love yourself before someone else comes into your life and destroys you. Be your own support, your own hero, because in the end, that’s all you’ve got. No matter what, you’ll make it. Even if no one else believes in you, you will win.
hope u make a right decision and have a happy life. strength to u