I’m working as an Asst. Professor in a good college with a decent salary. I come from a very orthodox Hindu family, and being from a lower caste, my family and community are very reserved. I have had a few relationships in the past, but none of them lasted over a year. After getting my heart broken during my master’s, I moved to Bangalore for my first job, where I got into hookups and flings, as I never wanted to fall in love again the breakup was too intense for me.
There, I reconnected with one of my batchmates from my master’s. He was a very smart and sweet guy. We started hanging out, and from the beginning, I told him I wanted nothing resembling a relationship. He soon fell for me and confessed his feelings, saying he’s a relationship type of guy who wants to take this to marriage. I told him it was not possible. He agreed to keep it casual and take things one step at a time. It seemed like a wise decision then.
But soon, I started falling for him more than I thought I could. I’ve never had a guy who treated me so well. It’s not like my exes were terrible, but this guy took effort to a whole new level. We moved in together in a co-living space and lived together for a year. Meanwhile, my family started looking for grooms for me behind my back. They started calling me back to my home state, saying my dad’s health wasn’t getting better and that someone needed to be closer to take care of him. (My mother works away from home and comes every weekend, and my sister is out of state pursuing her graduation.)
I’ve lived away from my family for the past three years, so they said now it was my turn to look after them. Plus, my job was too toxic, so I got a job in my home state, 400 km away from my home, but still easier to commute than before. My boyfriend helped me move and stayed with me for a month to help me adjust to the new city and job while working from home. But after he went back, my parents arranged a meeting with a compatible groom for me behind my back and then took me to meet him.
I told them I didn’t want to get married and caused a huge scene, saying I didn’t want to see this guy. But they kept insisting I meet him just once, and if I didn’t like him, I could say no. I met him. I said no. But now my parents are not ready to let the match go since the guy has a great government job, is good looking, is an only child, and is well settled in my city. So my mom thinks he can look after my father when needed, even if I’m out working.
Seeing this, I told my mother about my relationship. (I couldn’t tell my father as he is very strict, has heart issues, and, as I said, hasn’t been doing well health wise recently.) She took it better than I expected but said it’s not possible since our castes are different and the family won’t agree. Plus, my boyfriend doesn’t have a stable financial background. I knew these differences could cause a problem, but now my parents have fixed my marriage, and I have no idea what to do.
My boyfriend knows about the arranged marriage since I kept him informed from the beginning, but now the only solution I see is a mutual breakup. However, it’s too difficult for both of us.
Question: What should I do?
Option 1: Get married and let my boyfriend move on.
Option 2: Fight harder for this relationship.