It was an arranged marriage. I was aware of my mother-in-law’s nature. She is greedy, stubborn, and very egoistic. I thought my future husband must be good, and when I met him, I thought he was. After we got married, the first month went well. However, after that, my husband and mother-in-law planned to send me to my parents’ home because I didn’t know they were expecting furniture and other items. A significant amount of dowry had already been given to them in cash.
I had also taken some money from my parents into my account, thinking I would buy furniture and other things in the state where my husband was living, as per our needs. When I returned to my in-laws’ home, their behavior had completely changed, especially my husband and mother-in-law’s. My mother-in-law began controlling me unnecessarily. She told me to keep my expensive clothes and jewelry in my sister-in-law’s room.
I refused, as the wardrobe in my room was filled with my mother-in-law’s things. I told them I wanted to keep my jewelry in a locker or that I needed a new wardrobe, but my husband refused, saying his mother would feel bad. Since my husband was living in another state, I wasn’t sure if I should leave everything at home or not. My husband started arguing with me and eventually took all my jewelry and gave it to his mother. I was shocked.
This was the first time I realized how conservative and completely different this family was from me. A few days later, I overheard my husband talking about going to the office since he had been working from home for the past month. He had booked a ticket without informing me, which was another shock. I went with him forcefully, and his mother was again disappointed. I thought we needed private space to understand each other, as there was no privacy at home.
My mother-in-law would enter our room without knocking, and she would feel upset if we closed the door. Whenever we tried to spend time together, she would get angry. She was upset because she wasn’t getting what she expected. When we moved to the other state, my husband’s behavior changed. He started avoiding me, and we were living like roommates. From then on, I felt lost. I thought maybe he loved someone else.
He avoided intimacy for 6 to 7 months straight, and I fell into depression. Eventually, I learned that he had some medical condition, like hormonal issues. But the mystery is, how was he so active for the first month? Now it’s been 2 years and 3 months of marriage, and I still can’t figure out the real reason for his behavior. He is available for everyone else but has no time for me. When I talk to him, he always says he has anxiety issues, which is why he has no desire for intimacy.
But it seems like this was all pre-planned. When I try to share these things with my mother-in-law, she just says, “My son is mine, no matter how he is.” She doesn’t understand my problems. I feel deceived. I’ve told him several times that I want a divorce and that I can’t live like this, but he keeps asking for more chances. I have survived panic attacks, and he continues to act insensitive. He neither loves me nor wants to let me go.
My mother-in-law has already spread lies about me, claiming that I have some astrological (kundali) issue, which is why I’m not getting pregnant, and that I’m rude. I can’t share the truth with people because, as long as I’m in this marriage, I don’t want to ruin his reputation. My parents are still hopeful that everything will work out and think divorce is not a good option. But I’m not seeing any effort or changes from his side.
I’ve always wanted a good husband and kids. I never tried to get a job, and now I have nothing. What should I do?