I’m 22, married recently, but now I’m thinking I made a huge mistake by marrying so young. It was a love marriage. My family was against it because he’s from a different state, and I had never introduced him to my family. I had known him for 4 years before marriage. One day, my family found out about our relationship everyone yelled at me and told me to leave and forget him, but I didn’t. I got married to him without my parents’ permission.
He is a really nice and loving person. He loves me and is loyal to me, but the problem is his dual personality. One side is overly loving and caring, and the other is self centered, selfish, dominating, and sometimes he acts like a narcissist. Before marriage, I was preparing to be a model, and I had applied for Miss Diva (for which I needed to be unmarried). At that time, he supported me.
He said my dreams were his dreams, and he’d do anything to help fulfill them. But suddenly, we got married, and I left behind my life’s one and only dream to participate in Miss Diva. I was broken, but somehow, I ignored everything. Before marriage, he used to spend money on me even when I said no he spent it forcefully. Now I’m the only one working, and he has left his job.
There’s no other source of income, and he decides where to spend my salary. I can’t even spend my own money on myself. He gets angry if I buy anything that costs more than Rs. 100. I still trust him. I can compromise and live happily with less money, but I don’t want my future child to suffer financially or crave the bare minimum like I did. I don’t want to leave him at any cost, but I want him to control his dominating behavior.
His level of dominance is such that *”ghar me sabzi konsi banegi, wo bhi mai hi decide karunga.”* If I like a vegetable and he doesn’t, he manipulates me so sweetly that I can’t even oppose him. I’m sick of his behavior. Also, whenever we fight, he puts forth his points, blames me, and when I try to speak, he never wants to listen. If I don’t shut up, he grabs my neck and starts slapping me nonstop.
One day, I slapped him back for hitting me against the wall, and he started playing the victim card: *”My father abuses my mother, and still she never raises her voice. Look at you, slapping your husband.”* He never wants to accept mistakes or apologize. He thinks he can never do anything wrong. Nowadays, I’ve started ignoring his behavior and focusing only on his loving side, but this domestic violence has traumatized me inside and out.
I keep remembering his slaps, crying my heart out and the second thing that hurts me the most is that I gave up my dreams and career just to spend my life with him. Now, I’m doubting my decision to marry so young without prioritizing my dreams. I have no financial freedom, and I’m dependent, even though I’m a working woman.