Since I was a little girl, I wanted to stay committed to one person and get married, but life happened differently in fact, in a way I could never imagine! In 2021, I fell in love with an older guy, a businessman my friends warned me about, but I didn’t care as I didn’t see anything wrong myself. He showed me so much love and care and was literally helping me out a lot.
It felt really genuine, but I also felt something was off he didn’t talk about the future, and even the dates he planned were never fulfilled. But since we were in this relationship, I kept holding on. Meanwhile, in the same year, I met an innocent, studious introvert guy who talked very little. We became friends, and he started calling me one of his closest friends. Honestly, apart from my boyfriend, he was my only male friend. We shared many secrets.
In 2022, he confessed his feelings that he loved me and wanted to marry me. He imagined life after marriage with me. We even imagined having sex and living as husband and wife (I felt guilty for imagining that). But I could never imagine cheating on my boyfriend, so I tried to ignore him. We both agreed on good terms to remain friends, and I told him he deserved better.
In 2023, one day I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me. My heart was broken, but he apologized and I forgave him with a heavy heart out of love and also because of the money he borrowed from me, which I earned working hard through my small businesses. I slipped into depression and started looking for a job to keep me busy. The other guy cracked an exam, got a job, and even started his own business firm. He offered me a job in his business, and I started working there.
Sometimes, there was a heavy feeling about how life would have been if I had chosen someone who actually loved me. But soon after, I found out the other guy had moved on and started dating a pretty girl. My heart sank a little, but I was actually happy for him he deserved to live his life and be happy. Unfortunately, in 2024, I had an issue with his co-partner and had to leave the job for peace.
He visited my place with some goodies and met my family that was kind of a surprise. I was happy but also sad, thinking that could be the last time we would ever meet. Life goes on. After a few months, I caught my boyfriend cheating again. I found out he was flirting and sleeping around with other girls and had 4 to 5 other girlfriends, some even older than him, dating for 5, 8, 10 years.
He also lied to me about his job and age. I found out he was 17 years older than me. To defend himself, he threatened me, gaslighted me, guilt tripped, insulted me, lied about my family’s background to his other girlfriends, and still wasn’t paying back the money he owed me. Since day one, it was all lies. My life felt like a joke he even told me that to my face. He only used me for the money I generously gave.
My heart was in pieces. I completely broke down and became like a mad person. After a few months, the other guy suddenly texted me, said he broke up with the girl after a few months of dating. We started keeping in touch. I only kept in touch because he was single. He said he loves me, trusts me the most, and wants to marry me.
He said he tried his best to win my heart but I wasn’t moving on from my cheating boyfriend, so he dated the girl for her looks. He even said he let me work with him thinking we’d become closer, but that didn’t happen. One night, I called him to drink with me as I was dying from depression and anxiety. We got drunk and made out. He said he was the happiest man ever!
I felt guilty, but I knew we were emotionally connected. I tried to push him away as I wasn’t ready to continue, and I was full of insecurities plus, he had just broken up. I didn’t want to play with him to heal myself. I left for another state, but he kept calling me to come back. When I was away, I was totally lost and depressed. I also needed to come back home as my family needed me.
When I returned, one of my previous colleagues told me he was back with his ex. I was hurt, but I thought they deserved each other and tried to walk away. But he didn’t let me. He started contacting me again. I asked if he was back with his ex, and he said no, that it’s official they aren’t. As a mature person, I didn’t want to question everything. He became lustful towards me.
He also tried to go away, blocked me, and deleted my number, but he would always come back and say how much he loves me. But I wasn’t accepting him. One morning, he called and told me how he had been after me for so long and that I never genuinely reciprocated his feelings. He said he was losing his self respect and would move on. That scared me.
I wasn’t ready to lose him again. I was in love, but my insecurities always stopped me. So I agreed to meet him. We spent the night together. He said it was the best time of his life and how happy he was to have me. I finally accepted him. We were getting closer. I was in love, more and more each day. Happy that we were finally together, leaving the past behind.
We talked about getting married. He talked about how much he wanted to have kids with me. He also reappointed me in his business. But who knew there’d be a sudden turn in our path? After two months, he suddenly became cold towards me. He ignored my calls and messages. Out of nowhere, I got news from a colleague that his ex-girlfriend posted their picture together. I was shocked and devastated. I broke down.
I confronted him once, but he clearly told me they were not back together. He said we should remain good friends and that things wouldn’t work between us. I was hurt beyond imagination and asked why. He said he’d come and explain. He came over to my place we made out again. I was hurt, but I wanted that moment with him. Later, he didn’t say a word about the situation. He just walked out after staying for a while. I gave him a gift I had bought. I cooked him dinner.
He texted me saying everything was so good. I was lost in my thoughts and didn’t feel the need to find reasons. I stopped contacting him from that day. We only speak via the office number for work purposes, as he is posted in a different district and doesn’t visit the business anymore. I take care of it. After a few days, he used to post things like “When the ship docks, I’m getting off with you,” “I’ll be a true friend and love till the end,” “My thoughts back to you as always,” etc.
All of this made me so confused. He also deleted all our chats. It’s been four months. I still miss him, and my heart aches for what happened, but there’s nothing I can do.
Question: Am I a fool to believe in people so quickly?
Option 1: Did the second guy really love me?
Option 2: Should I wait for him or quit his life?
Option 3: Is our timing just really wrong?