I am a 32 years old female, an IIM graduate, and earn enough to enjoy life’s luxuries. I am deeply in love with my boyfriend, who is the same age. We have shared a lovely bond for the past year. Since my family has been pressuring me to get married, I asked my boyfriend to talk to his parents and convince them. The problem arose because his family is from the Jaat caste, which is very orthodox and aggressive.
I am from the SC category but have never taken any benefits; I have always been a topper and achieved everything on my own without reservation. His family has clearly denied me and is threatening my boyfriend, saying that if he continues the relationship, they will commit suicide, perform his shraddh, and cut all ties with him. My boyfriend has always been a great son, obeying his parents and doing things even when he didn’t want to.
He never received love from his parents, as his family is toxic. Although he doesn’t believe in caste, he can’t leave his parents because he’s the only one who can take care of them. I also don’t want to separate him from his parents, as I always dreamed of a larger family. We are both mature, but now my boyfriend is asking me to move on since his parents are not ready to accept me.
He says I deserve a better family who will love and respect me, unlike his, who would always taunt me about my caste. He believes his parents will continue to insult me even if we marry, which could be traumatic and lead to a future divorce. I am left heartbroken. I have always been alone, not dating anyone for the past 10 years due to traumas associated with males. Now, at my age, when I wanted stability, I am once again alone.
I have achieved so much professionally, but my personal life feels empty. I just want to ask my boyfriend if he already knew how toxic his family was, why he entered into a relationship with me, wasting my time and emotions. I am completely clueless about the situation. I love him dearly and understand that I can find someone better, but my feelings are deeply invested.
I often wonder if this is what I deserve after giving myself completely to this relationship, never demanding anything from him, never asking to be taken out on dates or made to feel special. Is this really what I deserve?
Hi jyothika,
It’s very sad that your relationship is broken because of caste, but didn’t you guys checked with eachother initially like what is your final objective. Like getting married or just stay until you both get married like that. If you have clear picture then why haven’t you did this step in earlier stages instead of waiting for 10 yrs, it’s a very long period.
Now you have to find another one who loves and you agree to marry ( i.e., final option for him should be kind of settle down) or just go with guy whom your parents brings you.
Excuse me if I said anything wrong , as this is my idea that’s it