Hey, I’m a 28 years old woman, and I’m in love with a boy who is two and a half years younger than me. I am deeply in love with him. He is very caring, understanding, supportive, and extremely open minded. He listens to all my problems and whatever I can imagine. He handles my moods, frustrations with work, insecurities, and every issue I have. He’s the perfect person I could ever imagine. Sometimes, I feel like he’s not real because I can’t imagine how someone can be so understanding.
This might be due to my past relationship trauma, but he really is the perfect person I could wish for. He behaves, talks, and does things the way I want, always trying to improve our relationship. We live far apart, nearly 1500 km, and have met twice. We even got really close during those times, and it was a wonderful experience with him. Everything is perfect, just perfect. But the problem arises whenever I ask him if he loves me. He always says he’s confused or not sure if he loves me.
He claims he doesn’t know what love feels like or how someone should feel when they’re in love. He never says he doesn’t love me, but he hasn’t confessed that he loves me either. He does everything for me but has never admitted that he loves me or that he can’t live without me. He does say that he wants to keep me with him forever, that he doesn’t want to lose me, and that I’m precious to him, which is sweet to hear. But ultimately, he hasn’t said the words “I love you.”
Even when I bring up the future, he says he’s not sure, and because of that, he doesn’t want to make promises in a rush. He believes false promises are more painful than no promises at all. He also tells me he feels bad when I’m not with him, misses me a lot, and sometimes panics when I’m upset or in a bad mood. His actions show love, but he hasn’t admitted it. Recently, he started saying that everything will happen in its appropriate time.
I always panic and get frustrated with his responses, but he never gets irritated. He always calms me down, saying, “I’m here with you, don’t panic, everything will be fine.” There is another issue with our relationship: we belong to different cultures and castes. I know that if he does confess and we move forward, there will be a huge clash between our families. Still, I want to be with him and only him. Right now, I can’t imagine what I would do without him it’s incredibly painful even to think about.
Another problem is that I’m 28 now, and my parents are asking about marriage. Though they’re not forcing me, I’ve told them I don’t want to marry right now. But how long can I ignore them? I don’t want to leave him because of his confusion; he’s everything I’ve ever wanted. But at the same time, I can’t stay in a relationship without a confession or commitment. I’m insecure, but I’m sure he won’t leave me.
Soon, we will complete our one year anniversary, and we’re going to meet. I’m very excited, but I really want him to confess his love to me. I don’t know if I’m rushing it, but for me, it feels like a long time has passed, and he should have confessed by now or accepted that we will be together as life partners. I crave that commitment from him. I know he’s doing his best and is incredibly understanding and supportive.
He fulfills my every wish he orders food for me when we’re apart, has bought me clothes, earrings, jewelry, and even brought me a dupatta from his trip to Rajasthan, without me asking for anything. But still, that commitment is missing. I don’t know what to do. Should I wait? Should I give him more time? Should I discuss this with him? We’ve discussed it before, but I keep getting the same answers.
Now, I prefer not to bring it up because I don’t want to strain our relationship. He remains calm and composed, never overreacts like I do. To maintain peace, I’ve stopped asking. But for my own mental peace, I can’t let this situation continue. I’m constantly thinking about it. Sometimes I’m so scared and terrified of the thought that he might leave me one day. I don’t want to be in this uncertain situation for much longer. I need a clear answer either yes or no.
Can you all help me figure out if I’m thinking the right way? Should I wait? Am I rushing him? Should I give it more time, or should I confront him again? I’m really confused. Please let me know what I should do.