I am a 27 years old female. This post is for the people who say “No Seal No Deal”!! I mean, what kind of standard is this to judge a woman based on her virginity status? It’s not a choice for many. The first time I was abused was when I was 5 years old. My grandma fell unconscious it was an emergency, and I had to run to find help… and one of my close relatives, in that moment of crisis, said, “Let me touch you ‘down there, I’ll help you save your grandma.” And he did touch me there while his WIFE watched it all happen and later scolded me, “Don’t tell anyone.”
Unfortunately, to this day, I remember these details, and they haunt me. And no, do not assume I lived in some rural place l come from a very urban and educated background. Was it my mistake??? I was around 7 to 8 years old when a construction worker who was nearby, where I used to play as a kid, asked me to show my boobs!! (Which I didn’t have because I was too young.) Was it my mistake??? I was around 10 to 13 years old when a cousin thought it was a good idea to abuse me because my body was undergoing physical changes.
Mind you, I hadn’t even had my first period yet… and this time, it wasn’t just a MAN but also a WOMAN at different times. I was 16 an age where people fall in love. I did, too, like all of you… but it turned into a nightmare. The guy I liked was older, so he thought it was a good idea to take me to a shady place and start touching me everywhere while I begged him to stop, crying and threatening him. Was it my mistake to fall in love or like someone??
After this, I was scared of people around me. At 18, again like any other human, I met someone this time online. I thought, Maybe this time, since it’s a far away thing, I can take a chance. But guess what? He thought it was a good idea to abuse me online by talking to me in the vilest language possible and making me do things threatening to leave or abandon me if I refused. I know everyone will come after me, asking, Why did you do it?? I did it because I thought I might lose a “NICE GUY” (so naive of me). Was it my mistake??
I got older. I was 22, and this time, a guy I was dating thought it was a good idea to have an intimate relationship with me against my WILL after I shared my past with him. It was abusive, both physically and mentally. Was it my mistake?? Unfortunately, I didn’t give up on the idea of love even after all this… I thought I might meet someone who understood me. At 24, I thought I met the one… but this time, he said, “Jisko itna use kiya ho, use aur use kar le toh kya hota hai?” (What’s the harm in using someone who’s already been used so much?)
Let me remind you all again these people came from so called good, educated backgrounds, and I’m a medico myself. These are not the only times I was abused physically or mentally. There were countless times I was grabbed, touched, or flashed against my will. Also, this is not hate toward men!! There were some really kind and good men/women around me. To those thinking of consoling or sympathizing with me. I don’t need it. The sadness, the pain it’s numb now.
To those wondering, Why didn’t you tell anyone? I did, every single time, but no one listened. Sometimes they didn’t believe me, and worse, sometimes I was asked, Why is it always you?? Why not other women? Sometimes it was “Ssshhhhh Don’t tell anyone what will people think of you? Log tumhare ‘character’ ke baare mein kya bolenge!! You’re so weak!!!” To those who think, “Yeh sympathy khati hai iss story se logon ki…” people around me now don’t even know a bit of it, and I don’t bother to tell anyone.
I just want to ask the people obsessed with “no seal no deal” What was my mistake in all these things?? Do you think I deserved this??? Was it my fault that I trusted or was around these kinds of MEN/WOMEN?? So many other women and men out there have suffered the unthinkable. My reason for being vulnerable here, on the internet, with thousands of strangers judging me, is simple: Think before you say or do something. Understand that it’s not a simple thing when I hear spouses complain, “I can’t be with this ‘girl’ because she’s not a virgin.”
It was not a choice for many!! And even if it was either understand it or just leave them be.