I’m 21 years female completely heartbroken and confused right now. My boyfriend is a 20 years old engineering student, and our relationship has been a rollercoaster lately. He’s been going through a really tough time, and it’s impacting everything. His family has faced unimaginable loss in the past four years he’s lost about 9 to 10 family members, including his father during COVID. This has understandably changed his entire perspective on life.
He sees the world as fleeting, believes societal norms are irrelevant, and thinks no one truly stays with you in the end. He’s become incredibly humble and kind, but also very detached in some ways. Recently, he’s been saying he wants to end our relationship because he “doesn’t need anyone anymore.” It’s this push pull dynamic that’s tearing me apart. One moment, he’s showering me with love and wanting to spend time together; the next, he’s saying his feelings for me are fading because he thinks I used to nag him (I tried to gently remind him of his responsibilities).
I understand he’s been through hell, and I’ve tried my best to be there for him, to create a safe space where he can open up without feeling judged. Sometimes, he does talk to me, but when I try to gently nudge him toward his responsibilities or the future, he immediately wants to break up. He’s even been rude to his mother sometimes, which worries me. We’ve also been physically intimate, and now he’s saying that it was just a physical act and doesn’t hold any deeper meaning that sex is just an activity he could do with anyone.
While I appreciate his openness, it hurts deeply to hear that, especially after we’ve shared something that felt meaningful to me. I love him deeply, and he says he loves me too, but he seems terrified of commitment and responsibility. I feel like I’ve been pouring all my love and care into this relationship, trying to understand him when no one else seems to, but now I feel used both physically and emotionally.
I don’t know what to do. Do I stay and keep trying to support him, hoping he’ll eventually work through his grief and fears?
Or do I leave, even though it breaks my heart, because I’m feeling increasingly hurt and like my own needs aren’t being met? Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I’m feeling so lost and alone right now.
Question: Should I stay?
Option 1: Yes
Option 2: No