I’m 30F, married through an arranged marriage to my husband. He’s 6 years older than me, but we clicked well. Things have always been good between us despite all the ups and downs. We have two daughters and recently purchased our very own home. We’re going to complete 7 years of marriage in a few months, but I feel there is this silent distance between us that keeps increasing as the days go by. My husband is the type of guy who’s always ready to help people in his family and always takes care of the elders around him.
I respect him for his availability to everyone, but sometimes I feel that because of this behavior, I get neglected by him. He’s always there for his daughters, his father, his relatives, friends-literally everybody around me-but when it comes to me, I feel he ignores me. I have to nag him constantly about my own issues; only then does he understand that I need him. But if it’s about others, he’s on his toes all the time. I’m tired of being at the bottom of his priority list. I feel neglected by my husband.
I love him so much and care for him deeply, but he unintentionally or intentionally hurts me with his ignorance. If I try to sort things out between us, he always leaves the matter midway and behaves as if nothing happened. He has been a little emotionless since the beginning of our marriage, but it has grown over the years. I understand that responsibilities and financial issues can frustrate a person, but why do men tend to ignore the most important part of their life-their wife?
Being a good father and son is important, but being a good husband is equally important too, and it doesn’t end with just providing! You have to be there for your wife when she needs you. I’m working (a government employee), and money has never been an issue between us. I fulfill my responsibilities toward our daughters, his father, and our home with utmost dedication. Yet when it comes to us, I feel we are failing. We’re not what we used to be, and I know people change with time. Responsibilities catch up with us so badly that we forget to give each other time.
But just 10 minutes a day, speaking only about the two of us-would that really hurt? I try to bridge this distance by always being the first to make an effort, but it takes two to make things work. I suggested going out for a stroll once a week with the kids to spend some time together, but as always, something comes up for him. Or he suggests ordering food and eating with the kids, but he’s always late for that too because of his work. I don’t know what to do.
There’s no third person in this marriage, yet this emotional unavailability is silently killing it. Please suggest what you think. I’m ready to do anything.