I was in a 5-year relationship, with the final 3.5 years of it being long-distance. He was my whole world, and our families were close to fixing our marriage. Over time, we grew and changed-he became well-settled with a high-paying career, while I faced depression, career struggles, and personal challenges. Despite always supporting him, he offered me no emotional support. The last two years were the hardest-he ignored my struggles, got angry for no reason, and dismissed my attempts at open communication.
When I sought therapy, he demanded exact details of my sessions with the psychologist and used harsh, abusive words when I refused. He broke my heart after each therapy session.
Financially, I even had to send him money to fuel his car, as he didn’t have financial discipline while I was struggling abroad to make ends meet (there was a time I couldn’t even afford a proper meal). His lifestyle changed drastically-drinking, smoking, drugs-and he spent most of his time with friends. When I raised concerns, he blamed me for his actions, saying, “I wasn’t handling him with enough love and care,” or that I was jealous of him because of my pathetic situation.
In the beginning, the relationship was toxic-he’d respond aggressively to disagreements by disappearing or threatening self-harm, which he claimed was from the trauma of his past breakup in college. I stayed, thinking he needed time to heal. He changed for a while, and we were happy. But later, his anger, indifference, and lack of respect resurfaced. Despite my efforts to communicate and mend things, he never reciprocated.
He said he loved me and praised me, but acted otherwise. I wanted a peaceful life. The only thing I demanded was open communication, financial discipline, and a healthy lifestyle. Since the breakup, I’ve finally been able to sleep without crying, though I still wonder-did he really love me, or did he only need me for his own convenience? Because he had put in a lot of effort several times during our relationship. Was it out of love, or just to meet his physical needs?
I’m totally confused.
Hints about breaking up went ignored for a year. When I finally ended it, he called months later, crying that he couldn’t live without me. But I couldn’t ignore the emotional neglect and his drastic behavioral changes. I still wonder-did he ever truly love me? Why did he behave this way? I don’t think he cheated but feel conflicted about his actions. It’s hard to understand, as I never sought outside opinions to keep our matters private.
*It’s been a year since our breakup.* I really love having a good family life, as loneliness is killing me. But I’m scared to be in another relationship or think about marriage, as I can’t handle any more heartbreak. This breakup left me losing self-confidence and feeling worthless.
Sometimes I even think that I don’t deserve to be loved. I don’t even know how to be in a relationship, or if all of this happened because of me. Seeing his photo anywhere still makes me regret the breakup. I never discussed our relationship matters with anyone, so everyone considered ours to be a perfect relationship.
Now, they are blaming me for breaking up with him, including my parents. ~ Anonymous
Question: Whom do you think is wrong in this situation?
- Me
- My boyfriend
- Both
- Neither of us
Reading your story, I can feel the pain and confusion you’ve experienced. It’s clear you’ve been through a lot and have tried your best to make things work. It’s important to remember that no one is perfect, and relationships are complex, involving both parties’ actions and behaviors.
From what you’ve shared, your boyfriend’s actions and behavior were detrimental to your well-being. Emotional neglect, lack of support, financial irresponsibility, and manipulative tactics are serious issues. It’s understandable that you reached a breaking point, prioritizing your mental health and overall happiness.
You are not to blame for wanting a healthy, supportive relationship. It’s not your fault that he didn’t change or reciprocate the efforts you put in. Sometimes, people grow apart and have different needs or ways of dealing with their challenges.
It’s natural to feel scared about future relationships after such a painful experience. Take this time to heal, focus on yourself, and rebuild your confidence. You deserve to be loved and to find happiness. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family, and seek professional guidance if needed.
Remember, it wasn’t you who made the relationship toxic. It’s okay to move on and believe in the possibility of a healthier, happier future. You are strong, and your well-being matters.
If you ever need to talk or seek advice, I’m here for you. Take care of yourself.