I Met a guy through mutual friends when I was 18. He was 19. He proposed, and I accepted after my friends described him as a good guy who shouldn’t be missed. I was innocent and naive. It was all good for a few months. We met a few times in public places, and most of our conversations were through mobile chats. The guy backed out after a few months, saying he was looking for casual hookups and I was not his type.
I never allowed him to touch me, as I was brought up in a very conservative family, and I was so dumb that I didn’t even know people propose just to have fun. But I was not ready to give up because I fell hard-or at least I thought so. It was my first love, and I took up the task of changing him. He never really committed, but he used to be in touch throughout the day, sharing his goals, problems, etc. This went on and off for almost five years, and we even made out a couple of times.
By then, I was mentally exhausted and had realized I was just his time pass while he flirted with many girls simultaneously. I finally gave up and took a couple of years to move on. He texted a few times during those years, but I never responded seriously.
Then, I got married to the most amazing guy through an arranged marriage setup. My ex texted me, apologizing for causing emotional trauma and saying he would never take a girl’s feelings for granted in the future. He moved abroad, and I got busy with my life. We had two adorable kids and built our careers together. I always feel lucky to have my husband in my life.
My ex was on my social media, which I rarely use, and we never texted or interacted directly. So, I didn’t see a need to block him since he wasn’t disturbing me. He occasionally liked my posts, including pictures with my kids and family. I never engaged with his posts or life updates.
Lately, I found out that he fell in love and married his classmate after a stable five-year relationship abroad. It was his first serious and committed relationship, and he married her. After learning this, all the past memories began to haunt me again. His likes on my posts started triggering me.
I do not want to get in touch with him or anything. I love my husband to the moon and back. But not having proper closure and seeing him overcome his commitment phobia with someone else-after all my efforts for 4-5 years-makes me feel unworthy. ~ Anonymous
Question: Is it normal to have past memories triggered in mid-life?
Option 1: Yes, it is normal. You’ll get over it.
Option 2: Need therapy to make peace.