A few years back, I met a girl, and we became friends almost instantly. Over time, our bond deepened, and we became best friends, sharing everything with each other. She was someone I could talk to about anything, and for a while, that friendship felt perfect. But slowly, she started giving off hints that felt more like a relationship than just friendship.
She’d bring up things like what our future might look like together, what would happen if we got married, and other conversations that felt more serious than simple friendship talk. At first, I brushed these things off. I thought it was too soon and too naive to talk about those things at our age, so I kept things strictly friendly.
I’ve always been clear about boundaries-there’s a line between a friend and a romantic partner, and I thought I was firm on that line. But as time went on, her warmth, her energy, the feeling of being loved was hard to ignore, and eventually, I started developing feelings for her too. Still, I didn’t tell her how I felt. I was stressed about my entrance exams and figured my feelings were just a distraction, something temporary that would fade over time. But they didn’t. Instead, they kept growing stronger.
Then, she met another guy. He was attractive, probably more than me, and she openly told me she felt a spark with him. Despite that, she kept talking to me in the same way, as if there was still something between us. I was scared to confess my feelings, worried I might mess things up or misread her signals. So, I stayed quiet and tried to navigate the friendship as best as I could.
Soon enough, she started dating this guy, but even then, she continued to give me those couple-like vibes. It was confusing-she was with someone else but still acted as if there was more than friendship between us. Eventually, she figured out that I had feelings for her too. Things got messy then, and I felt like I was partly in the wrong, like I had let things go too far without being clear.
In response to that guilt, I decided to leave first. She was in a happy relationship, and I didn’t want to stand in the way. But when I told her I wanted to step back, she resisted. She said she loved her boyfriend but felt peace and comfort with me, like she wanted both. I couldn’t understand how that made sense; it left me feeling even more conflicted and confused.
I was so overwhelmed by the mixed signals that, in the end, I felt I had no choice but to let her go. Now, I’m left with these memories and questions about what it all meant. It’s been four years, and I still don’t know how to heal or move forward. I keep wondering if I did something wrong, even though all I ever did was give her genuine love.
I’m still trying to figure out how to deal with it all, how to make sense of these lingering feelings and find a way to move on. I don’t even know what I’m doing with my life.