Hello Everyone. I want to tell you all that I have a male friend who is my classmate, and he says that he is with me in every situation, even willing to marry me after waiting a long time. But the thing is, I can’t feel the same spark and vibrations that are actually important for any relationship. That’s why I have always made it clear to him that I don’t feel the same way, so I can’t give him false hope.
He always says, “No problem. If you want to stop contact, then you should walk away, and I’ll be there as a friend.” I always thought we would be good friends, but a while ago, he proposed to me and shared all his intentions. At that time, I also felt something for him and got attached to him, but one incident changed all my attachments and feelings for him. I am not able to accept it, and I am just stuck with these thoughts.
One day, he suddenly asked me to get physical. He told me, “Just get intimate with each other.” On chats, he started messaging me about intimacy, sexting, and all that. I always made it clear to him that I am not that type of girl. I can’t get physical; I can’t even kiss before marriage. He told me, “So what’s the problem? I am with you in every situation. I will get engaged to you.” After that day, I decided to stay away from him and maintain distance because of this behavior.
I had respect for him because he always stood up for me, but the thing is if a man really loves you, then why would he talk about physical intimacy if he truly wants to marry you? After some time, family issues arose with so much drama, and I started having panic attacks and anxiety because of my family’s toxic behavior, especially my brother. A few weeks ago, I told him that I was so depressed about my family, and again, he told me, “I always told you to come to me, but you never listen.”
Again, I made it clear to him that I don’t want to get married. I am not ready for at least 3 to 4 years, and somewhere, I am not sure about him. So why should I give him false words or hope? In every family, there are such issues, and I have to deal with them. I just want to focus on my career. My father died during COVID, and after that, I was shattered. Everyone abused me and pointed fingers at my character, but I never lost hope.
After that, I decided to do something for my father and myself, and that guy knows everything. He is actually genuine, but somewhere, I just don’t feel the same. My heart is not allowing me to say yes to all of this. I have always seen him as a friend. He says, “You will get every comfort after marriage. If you want to work, my family will allow you.” And after listening to all these statements from him, I feel distracted and I am just confused in my life.
If I say yes to him just for comfort, I will look dumb and selfish because I don’t feel the same way. Then, I also keep thinking about that incident when he asked me for sexting and getting physical. My intuition and gut feeling are not allowing me to say yes because after that physical intimacy incident, I suddenly lost all respect and feelings for him. Still, I didn’t say anything to him because I don’t want to hurt him… but somewhere, I feel this is not the right thing.
There is confusion in my mind what if I lose this guy and never find a good man in the future? The question is should I say yes to him or not? Because I want to focus on my preparation for a government job.
Question: What would you do if you were in my situation?
Option 1: Try to understand him and spend time with him.
Option 2: Say no to him and move forward.
Option 3: Ask him to wait for me.
Option 4: Focus on myself.