Confession of a IITian Girl

I was born and raised in a highly academic environment. My father is an IITian, and many of my uncles are doctors. Growing up, the sole focus was on studies. I wasn’t allowed to make friends or play outside during my childhood. My parents were very strict, and as a result, I devoted myself entirely to academics.

When I got into CSE at IIT, I realized how isolated I felt. I had no one to talk to or share my feelings with. Deep down, I crave companionship and love, but I often feel insecure about myself-being 5’5″ and having a brown complexion. Despite this, I take pride in several aspects of myself: I’m one of the best singers in my college, I played cricket at the Inter-IIT level, I can cook almost anything, and I’m skilled at household chores thanks to my mom’s guidance.

I respect everyone, and my religious faith grounds me.

During one of my vacations, I reconnected with a school batchmate. We talked for 8-9 months, and she often spoke about marriage and a future together. We even met twice at temples and ghats, but I never crossed any boundaries because my feelings for her were pure and genuine. However, I later found out that I was just a “timepass” for her. That revelation broke me.

Since then, I’ve grown wary of modern relationships. Watching stories of hookups, infidelity, multiple dating, divorces, and false accusations makes me fearful of what the future might hold. I often wonder: *What if I end up with someone who doesn’t value me or my principles?* The thought of investing in a relationship only to be hurt again terrifies me.

I know I’ll secure a good placement with a 20-30 LPA package, but I question the point of all this success if I can’t find true love or someone who genuinely appreciates me. I strive to be a kind, successful, and principled person, but sometimes it feels like that’s not enough to be loved.