Confession of college friends to marriage journey

My husbad and I are college friends and knowing each other as friends since 17 years. In my college days my husband had huge crush on me instead knowing I used to like someone else. Since last 17 years he was convincing me to get married to him. Always making my birthdays special by sending very meaningful gifts. I always asked him not to send any gift as I had no romantic feelings for him.

So fast forward, my parents were searching for boy for me. In between my husband again tried to convince me to get married to him. After thinking about his effors and consistency I said yes to him.we convinced our parents and got married as per his custom as his mother was rigid about it. He is Bengali and I am not. After marriage my husband suddenly changed and become mama’s boy. He used to talk to her mother till 2 AM at night and come to my room and sleep within 2 second without talking me. He never made any physical connection to me. He used to call his mother 4-5 times a day and to me not a single time.

Talking about his mother, she was very loud and abusive towards me. When working in the kitchen she used to make me wash my had 70-80 times. Even if I am using sugar jar and keeping back I have to wash my hand to touch another jar. If I am keeping a glass of water in dining table my had becomes defiled(jootha) and I had to wash hand. One day I used soap used by maid, she and my husband become so angry that I toutched the soap and told me to bath and change the cloths. One day she listen using me flush to pee she knocked my door and started abusing me and asked me to take bath and change clothes and instructed me to pee while seating on the floor. If I somehow touch maid I had to take bath and change cloths.when i told my husband about all this he said this is the way one should live. My mother is very sofisticated and perfect lady and I should learn from her.

When I told about how she abuse me in her very very loud tone he said there is nothing wrong with her mother and she talk like that only. But except me she used to talk to her son like my raja beta what he wants to eat. My Shona beta has become to very thin and slim. My Sona beta work so hard at office.whatever my rajabeta will tell I will make for him. She was so superstitious like if I sneeze while seating in bed I can’t step down once she come and spread water around the bed. If I buy new cloth or get stiched from tailor my husband told I have to wash it then only I can wear it. He never had time to talk to me and when I ask him to talk to me he used to say talk to my mother. 

After so much convincing that we don’t have any bond like normal couples we should visit somewhere and spend time together we went to Andaman. Even in Andaman he used to video call his mother and show all the places. After coming back at night he used to sleep without talking to me or having any physical connection. When I fought about this matter he said I have came for all this things only. That night we fought very bad and called our parents and told evryting. My parents were shocked to know that we don’t have any physical connection till now. When we came back home his parents were not even asked us about our problem instead his mother started saying oh my raja beta has become so dull.

I will make food whatever he wants to eat today. After very much frustration I told my SIL about his brothers problem and also asked her if he is having any sexual issue we can visit doctor. His Sister said my brother has no problem. I said how do you know. She said I know and there must be some my fault. After that my parents came and asked him to visit a doctor and have a couple councilling. He said okey but after when my parents went he and his mother started abousing me and my parents and how proudy my father is. My mother used to call his mother to ask about her health and all but she used to start abusing my mother also. To see his mothers abusive and loud nature i went back to my flat which is just near my office. My husband also used to stay 35 km from my place in a flat and we used to come home every weekend.

For the whole week he never used to call me but used to call her mother daily. In the weekends when we used to come home I used to make breakfast and dinner but my MIL never used to make me lunch as I don’t know how to make bengali food but I used to help her in the kitchen. Even after weekend he used to talk to her mother whole afternoon and night at 2 am and come to my room just to sleep. When I asked him to spend time with me he said he comes home to spend time with his mother only. I used to feel so alone and fell into depression. Daily I used to think of taking my life but these things never affected my husband.

In our anniversary I went to his flat to meet and spend time with him. I also bought 25k watch for him but after seeing me he did not even wished me anniversary neither he given me any gift. When I told him I will stay with him today and will go to office tomorrow direct from here he simply said no for staying me there. When I used to tell him to come to my place to spend some time together he used to tell me his mother and father will not like it so he will never come to my flat. I asked for having kid and to that he simply said he never ever want to have kids. He also told his and my parents about this.

His father had given me duty to call his mother daily after coming from office instead of her abusive nature I used to call her daily. But when my mother fell ill and I asked my husband to call my mother he said he has no connection with my family and he will never call them. I bought a car and told him I will stay in his flat with him as we are not making any bond till date and do my office from there only and to that he simply denied.

After few times when we used to visit his home in weekend he stoped comming to my room to sleep and started sleeping with his mother. When I told his mother to teach him someting she started abusing me. After that I stoped going to his home and came back to my mother’s place. He never called me ever and sent me divorce notice with all the false allegation.

Where he wrote I used to tell him to get seperate with his parents which I never said. I never used to do house hold chords. He wanted kids but I never wanted kids. My parents also told him to get sepreted from his parents. He wanted to amend the relationship but I said no I want divorce. I never used to talk to him and was always busy with my phone and few more.

I am so heartbroken reading all the lies and it is not coming out of my mind. I am in depression because of him and his mother since last 2 years. I am not understanding what to do now?

Please help and suggest.~ Anonymous