13 Years in a Relationship, Sacrificed Everything For My Boyfriend

Please excuse the long story. Thirteen years back, I met him through my common friends. He was a shy, decent boy. We became good friends. He was only comfortable talking to me. Slowly, after six months, he proposed directly on my birthday with a big flower bouquet to make me feel very special. I was very happy to be treated so specially like that for the first time in my life. But I could not digest his feelings for me as I was not ready to accept him in my life. He was younger than me and from another caste, so my mind strictly told me that marriage wouldn’t be possible.

Once, he asked me for my reply to his proposal. I told him the reason for my disagreement. He started convincing me very hard, promising that he would definitely make our parents agree to 03/13 marriage. He said he would do everything to get me in his life. Finally, I said yes, trusting him that he would keep his word and do everything to marry me. After a year, I got a job outside the city where we were studying. He started fighting with me every day to leave that job and try another one in the same city.

I was strict with my decision as I did not want to risk my career. I left the city and started my new job. We had huge fights every day, and he called me very selfish for being greedy for money and leaving him. He had trust issues, fearing I would choose someone else who had a job. I always assured him that I would never cheat on him, no matter the situation. After his studies were over, I found a job for him in my city, and he moved for the new job.

Everything went well for two years. My parents started looking for an alliance for me to get married. I started rejecting all of them. Once they asked me the reason, I told them about him. My family was completely against this, and I started getting so many curses from my parents, especially from my mom, for choosing him. They even stopped talking to me for a year and a half for breaking their faith in me. It was a very difficult time for me as I love my family the most.

When I told him to tell his parents about us, he said he would take another four years for marriage as he had not reached the proper age (he was 25 then). I tried to manage all kinds of torture from my family for those four years without disturbing him again with the marriage topic. During this situation, he started getting close to one of his female colleagues by meeting her at her home, giving her chocolates, and having dinner at her place.

His colleagues used to tease both of them, and he was enjoying the process. When I started opposing that relationship, which he called only friendship, he started hiding everything about her from me, like surprising her on her birthday, going to amusement parks with her and other friends. This caused me so much pain when I found out, and we had many arguments about it. He used to call me very cheap for thinking of that good relationship in a bad way.

He enjoyed his so-called friendship until that girl got married to her boyfriend and blocked him everywhere. He felt insulted, so he changed his job. In those years, I started growing in my career and earned double what he did. He gradually changed himself by focusing on his looks, luxurious apparel, watches, shoes, phones, bikes, etc., with the help of my money. He made a habit of asking me for money or to gift him anything he liked in malls or online.

I am totally the opposite-I love to save money and spend minimally. I don’t fall for a luxurious life; I love my middle-class life. Four years of his promise to get married passed, so I started asking him for marriage after waiting so long. He started giving excuses that he had no money to get married and that he was saving his money. Even though I was ready to marry him by giving him as much money as he needed, he still said that his parents would ask how much money he had saved and that it would impact his self-respect.

Another two years went by like that, and my parents finally agreed to let me marry him. I was overwhelmed with joy while sharing that news with him, but he was not happy at all. Instead, he started shouting at me, saying my family must not decide his life. I started giving different excuses to my family, telling them he was trying to convince his family and to give him some time.

Ten years had passed in our love story, and he still had no courage to tell his parents about me. Nobody from his circle knew me, whereas I had introduced him to everyone in my circle. Suddenly, he left his job after getting frustrated with that company and stayed jobless for nine months because he couldn’t crack any jobs he was looking for. I fully supported him financially, including his rent, food, and luxury shopping, which was not controlled at all.

He lost almost all his savings during that time because he gave money to his family every month, and they always sucked him dry by demanding more money to enjoy their luxurious life. After waiting for two years, my family started looking for other guys as he did not give them any confidence that he would marry me. Theo even tried to talk to him to get assurance that he would definitely marry me so that they could wait for him.

But he always ignored them and instead started fighting with me. He even used bad slangs for my family, so I stopped discussing this topic with him as I could never tolerate an insult to my family. During his jobless period, he was extremely frustrated and started abusing me over small things. He even started hitting me in anger-slapping me hard and pressing my mouth with utmost pressure during arguments. I tried to manage those situations with so much depression and tears alone without disturbing him.

As he was going through a bad phase, I decided not to leave him at that time but to leave him later permanently as I had realized I couldn’t survive with this man forever. Nine months later, he had to take up a job against his wish as he was out of money. That led to more frustration in his life as it was a worse choice than his previous jobs. He never improved his skills during those nine months; instead, he spent 24 hours on social media, enjoying men making fun of women.

His mentality towards women completely changed because of social media. He says women don’t deserve respect and should take care of their families. If I oppose him, he calls me Jhansi ki Rani, Kangana Ranaut, and tells me to stay in my limit. He was very triggered by *Mrs.* movie. He loves watching Lovely Sharma, who always blames women, and he shares her videos with me to prove how cheap all women are.

His character has completely changed-he has become more abusive, does not care about my tears at all, calls me dumb, and shouts at me in public. He feels insulted if I refuse to buy luxurious items in malls (even with my money). He is torturing me with all his frustration, but I have always tried to calm him and support him in every way possible. After 12 years of our love story, my parents finalized a guy for me since they no longer trust that he will marry me.

Taking that situation, I threatened him to talk to his parents; otherwise, I would marry that guy. He became mad, calling me his property. He was very confident that I would never leave him and finally agreed to talk to his parents about me for the first time. They played a drama during the conversation and strictly said no to the marriage. So, he finalized that he and I should remain unmarried our whole lives and stay like this. He never convinced them afterward and completely avoided the topic.

My family loves me immensely and wants me to get married and settled as they can’t see me alone. They are still bringing multiple proposals and convincing me. I have now lost faith in all men and am not interested in marrying anyone, not even him. I just hate marriage as all my dreams and faith have been ruined over these years. I have completely lost myself, focusing on taking care of him and thinking about his happiness for the last 12 years. I am unable to find myself in the darkness of my life.