I’ve been friends with my boyfriend since 2015. In between, I was in a relationship with someone else, who later got married. That relationship was restricted to just talking, and I couldn’t say no to him due to fear of abandonment. It was like he kept me under control. Since I was 12 years old, he, a relative of mine, controlled me in such a way that I couldn’t say no to whatever he said.
Meanwhile, I got into a relationship with my boyfriend one year after my ex got married. We were in contact, but I used to get scared when my ex called me. He would fight with me if I didn’t pick up his calls. I was traumatized by that. My boyfriend and I were friends for six years before getting into a relationship. Everything was going well, and we had an amazing relationship.
I meant everything to him-his whole world. He gave more importance to me than his career. Then, my ex came to me, and we met. We were physical. I didn’t do it willingly-it happened because I couldn’t say no due to fear. I got pregnant. At that point, I felt guilty and confessed everything to my current boyfriend, out of honesty. But he didn’t believe it was out of honesty.
He thought I told him only because I got pregnant. My previous relationship wasn’t known to anyone, so if I wanted to hide it, I could have. But I didn’t, and still, he doesn’t believe me. I left my ex forever and haven’t contacted him since the day I told my boyfriend that I cheated. We were both traumatized after that and lost our dream careers. Now, my boyfriend has left me, and it’s been more than 2 years.
I have left everything behind, including my career. I’m living a very lonely life for him, staying in the place where he is studying, waiting for him to change his mind. There hasn’t been a single day in these 2 years when I haven’t cried. I’m still waiting for him, begging, and telling him I’ve changed-and I truly have. He’s not able to let go of the cheating part, especially after giving me everything.
But the reason I cheated was fear of abandonment and not being able to say no. It was not intentional. I genuinely love my boyfriend. I haven’t spoken to another guy since, and I’ve been crying every single day for 2.5 years. I agree I made a mistake. But my point is-if I had done it intentionally, I wouldn’t have suffered this much. I wouldn’t have come here, prayed every day, and given up everything for him.
At the same time, my parents are looking for a marriage alliance. It’s hell for me-not being able to forget him or let go of the person with whom I imagined my whole life. I can’t even tell my parents I don’t want to marry, especially since they’ve been searching for 2 years and have health issues. I have genuinely changed, but he still can’t trust me or let go of the past. He says, “I can’t stay with you. Even if we have kids tomorrow, I’ll doubt whether they’re mine or not.”
Now I’m not able to let go of him. I really, really loved him. People say, “If you loved him, you wouldn’t have gone to your ex.” That’s true, but it was out of fear-not intentional. If I wanted to be physical, I could have done that with my current boyfriend-we had a great relationship in every way. I imagined my whole life with him, and he did the same. But because of what I did, he was deeply hurt.
Now we are in contact. I’m still begging. He feels tortured and says, “I don’t have feelings for you. I don’t love you anymore. It ended the day you got pregnant.” I feel very depressed because I didn’t do anything intentionally, and I don’t know who to explain this to. I told him, “You were the one who loved me wholeheartedly. I have changed for real. If you don’t give me a chance, who else in the world will?”
Do you agree that people can change for someone, even after cheating? And if they change, and if you truly loved someone more than anything, can’t you let go of the cheating? Does accepting me back mean his mindset is also like mine? Is it worth giving me a second chance?
Question:
Can he give me a second chance? He says nobody can ever forgive this.
Option 1: Is it right to expect him to change?
Option 2: Should I move on?
Option 3: Am I worth a second chance?
Option 4: Can he accept me?