My husband sucks. I have felt for a long time that if my husband were to go out in the world and find another woman, he might be much happier. I don’t think I’m the one for him.
We are both in our 40s. Together for 22 years. Have a sophomore and 4th grader. Own a home.
My husband is a miserable human being. He does not know how to have fun. He never lets loose. He sleeps in until noon every weekend and on the rare occasion he wakes up early, he’ll nap for a good 4-5 hours later in the afternoon. Our kids can’t just exist around him. They can’t have opinions. They can’t express themselves.
Our outings as a family are a lot more fun when he’s not around and my kids have picked up on that. Our teen will often ask if dad is coming along to whatever we’re doing and she either grunts or says she doesn’t want to go. Last year we spent the weekend at a hotel in Orlando. He joined us the day after. The day he wasn’t there it was incredibly peaceful. The kids wanted to be in the pool the entire day so that’s what we did, even ate pool side.
At night they wanted to walk around downtown Disney so we did. It was just a very easy day. All hell broke loose when he got there the next day. It became about what he wanted to do. Everything was no. He slept in so kids had to be quiet in the hotel room and when I took them to the pool he was upset because we left him alone. He doesn’t join us when we play board games. Doesn’t join in on karaoke. When my family is around he hides in the room because “y’all talk about things I have no interest in”. My family is convinced he hates them.
He also thinks in general that he’s better than everyone. I’m always on edge when we have company around because I’m scared he’ll give them an attitude or make a condescending remark and make the person feel bad which he has done before. When we were younger, he wasn’t like this – but there was also alcohol involved. He was never a belligerent, obnoxious drunk but he was way more relaxed. For health reasons he has quit drinking and really that’s when all of this began. I don’t think he NEEDS alcohol, I just think he has anxiety and mood swings and the alcohol was acting almost as self medicating.
He won’t go see a therapist or a doctor. I’m just at a loss on what to do. He’s unhappy. We don’t have a good time when he’s around. And because I know it’ll be asked – no it’s not work. I’m the breadwinner. I make 4 times his salary. His job can be left at work so he’s not bringing that stress home. The only real contribution he makes to the house is that he is our chef – he’s an incredible cook so 3 times a week, sometimes 4, he handles dinners.
Idont know what I’m looking for here. Maybe it’s me? I don’t know. I know that in my old age I have had a strong desire to just enjoy life. Take in the afternoons. Play with the kids. Soak up the sun. Listen to music. Laugh. And he seems to be going opposite direction. To be honest my husband seems miserable and don’t know what to do to fix things.