It started in February 2024. I was going through a very tough phase of my life. I didn’t know what to do. I was alone and heartbroken after a breakup. I had been in a relationship but got cheated on and left heartbroken. I didn’t know what to do. Someone suggested I go on a dating app and talk to someone. I thought it would be a great idea, so I downloaded Tinder and started talking to other men.
I’ve always been more into older men I love mature men. On the dating app, I met many people, some married, some single. I met you but didn’t like anyone. I love emotions I value emotions a lot. For me, emotional needs are very important, more than physical needs. One day, I matched with a guy on Tinder. I swiped right, and after a few days, he texted me, “Hi.” I replied, “Hi, how are you?”
Then he sent me his number and told me to talk on WhatsApp because he wasn’t very active on Tinder. I saw his picture, and he looked very attractive. I texted him, asking what he was doing. He said he was in the office and even sent me a picture of himself in a Zoom meeting. From the start, I was really attracted to him. He looked very cute, so I asked if we could talk on a call. He said he’d call me after work. We chatted for a few minutes, and after office hours, he called me.
We talked for about 10 to 15 minutes, and trust me, it was the best conversation I’d ever had. He had such a sweet voice, and the way he spoke made me feel so comfortable. I don’t know if it was love at first sight, but I felt so good. He was such a sweet talker, and I told him that. He’s a management consultant at a firm called JSW Cement and has several years of experience in sales and marketing.
I admired his experience and thought he was a good guy, even though he’s much older than me around 40. I asked him why he wasn’t married yet, and he said he wasn’t interested right now. His parents had pressured him, but he never wanted to marry, and now they’d stopped asking. I asked, “Will you never marry someone?” He replied, “I will, but maybe after two years if I find the right person.” Fair enough.
At first, I thought I liked him, but I decided to take things slow because I couldn’t trust anyone I was still in a bad place emotionally. He understood that and was patient with me. As we talked more, things got better between us. He’s a cricket lover. I still remember one day when he had a match in his building. He texted me, “I’m going to play cricket.” I always replied late because I wake up late, and he’d get annoyed, asking why I never responded on time.
That day, he lost the match and was very upset. I texted, “What happened?” He said, “I lost. Couldn’t even play well.” Then he joked, “Chalo chhodo, ab tum mera mood banao.” After that, we texted for almost 1.5 hours some naughty texts included and I fell in love with him that day. He was so cute and innocent. He always sent me pictures in the morning what he was doing, whether he was in the office or at the gym. I loved his personality. I fell in love with him deeply.
After a few days of talking and calls, we finally met for the first time for a movie. Things got intimate between us, and everything was going well until March. Then things started getting worse. I felt like he was ignoring me. I told him many times, but he always denied it, saying, “I’m not ignoring you.” Sometimes, I even felt like he was hiding something. Some of my friends told me he might be married. I refused to believe it.
I asked him repeatedly, “Are you hiding something? Are you married?” He’d get angry and say, “If you ask me this again, I’ll block you.” I backed off, thinking, “Not everyone is married. Some people choose to marry late.” But during this time, I was very emotional, and he wasn’t giving me the attention I needed. He’d say, “I’m busy with work.” I understood he was in a big position with many responsibilities but he couldn’t be busy all the time.
One day, he was going home, and I asked, “How was your day at the office?” He said, “Tough day. I’m not feeling well. I need to sleep.” I replied, “Take care of yourself.” He said, “No one cares about me. Everyone only thinks about themselves.” I felt terrible he seemed very upset, like he wanted to say something but couldn’t. I reassured him, “Don’t worry, I’m with you.” After that day, we met again, but by April, things got worse and worse.
I was emotionally attached to him and shared my feelings, but he started reacting strangely. He texted me, “Whatever we have, don’t take it too seriously. We’re different people. I don’t believe in love and love is a myth. I’m not husband material. I’m a free bird, not meant for a cage.” I was shattered. I thought maybe he just wasn’t ready for a relationship, so I gave him space. But after getting more physical with him, he started ignoring me.
I kept asking why, and he’d say, “I’m busy with work. I’m not ignoring you.” But I knew he was. When I shared my feelings, he’d say, “Don’t behave like a kid. We have different priorities. I’m a different person. My friends respect me, and I want you to respect me too. I’m not a chit-chat person. I’m busy with work and can’t always be available for you.” I was completely broken. This wasn’t the same guy I’d fallen for. I didn’t know what was wrong with him.
Even when he was sick, I’d text him, “How are you? Take care.” But whenever I expressed my emotions, he’d get upset and act weird. In June, I finally told him, “I love you.” He got furious and texted back harshly: “I’ve told you again and again I’m not meant for a relationship. I’m not at peace right now. Why don’t you understand?” Then he blocked me. I was shattered. I didn’t expect this from him. For three weeks, I was blocked. I tried contacting him from different numbers, but he blocked every one. I was heartbroken and didn’t know what to do.
A friend asked me, “Does he use Instagram?” I said no during our relationship, I’d asked him, and he said he wasn’t on any social media except LinkedIn. But my friend doubted that, saying, “A guy like him, good looking and social, must have Instagram.” Taking her advice, I searched for him and found his Instagram profile under his real name, with a proper display picture. The account was private, but there were suggestions of people he followed, including his brother.
I checked his brother’s profile (which was public) and saw a girl’s name in the followers the same surname as his. I thought, “Maybe she’s a family member.” But when I opened her profile, I was shocked she was his wife. He was married, even had a kid. His wife had posted many videos with him. I searched her on Facebook and found his mother’s profile, where I saw pictures of him happily married, with his kid, wife, and mother together.
I was completely heartbroken. I had believed he could be with me. I felt numb and hopeless. The next day, I texted him from another number: “I know your secret. You’re married. You betrayed me. You used me for my body. I’ll never forgive you I’ll expose you.” He replied, “Whatever you know is only half the truth. The truth is never fully true.” He gave a lot of explanations and then unblocked my main number.
I threatened to expose him, but I couldn’t because somewhere, I still loved him. We started talking again because I wanted to hear his side. But he never shared much. In calls, I’d ask, “Why did you do this to me?” He’d say, “There are things I can’t share. We had a good time together why should I tell you everything?
I’m not an open book like you.” I respected that and stopped asking. We still talk sometimes, but I don’t know what to do. Somewhere, I know he’s going through a bad phase in his marriage. His wife might even know about his affairs possibly even about me. From what I know, they’re not happily married and might be planning a divorce, though nothing’s finalized.
I believe he loves me and cares about me, but sometimes he ghosts me. I still consider him very close. I don’t know what to d I really love him. I know he loves me too, but given the circumstances, he can’t express it. We’re still in touch, but sometimes he ignores me badly. I keep asking why, even though he knows I know the truth. He still hides things.
Many people tell me to move on, but it’s not easy when you love someone so much. Right now, he’s not even in my hometown he got transferred to another city for work. He says he’s alone there, managing everything. Sometimes he tells me, “It feels like my last birth.” I love him so much, and I know he does too. But I’m lost what should I do? I want to meet him. He came to my hometown last Holi but didn’t try to meet me, saying, “I was only here for two days how could I meet you?”
I don’t understand his excuses. I really want to help him because I know he’s a good person, not a bad one. But I’m confused.
Question: What to do next?
Option 1: Should I support him in this condition?
Option 2: Leave him
Option 3: Should I tell his wife about him?