I met a guy (30) through a matrimony site, and we connected instantly. I’m the only daughter of my parents, who have always been the best parents anyone could ask for. Unfortunately, after COVID, they suffered major financial losses and are now struggling with debt (25 lakhs). Initially, I wasn’t keen on marriage, but my father insisted that it would make him happy.
After meeting this guy, we exchanged numbers and started talking. At first, I wasn’t too focused on financial matters, assuming my parents would eventually clear their debts. I shared this with him, but he constantly brings up the fact that we are not responsible for my parents’ financial situation. I’ve told him that while he isn’t responsible, I feel a duty to help them in whatever way I can. However, he isn’t supportive of this. He earns a decent amount (30-40 lakhs per year), yet I’ve never asked him for financial help or even expected a small gift from him.
I feel like I’m the only one putting effort into this relationship. Early on, he mentioned that our kundalis didn’t match and that we might not have children. I reassured him, saying that even if that happens, we wouldn’t abandon each other-we could always try for kids or consider adoption. Later, he told me he had a sexual problem and that I wouldn’t be happy with him. Again, I reassured him, telling him that every problem has a solution and that I didn’t see it as an issue.
When his business faced a downturn, I stood by him, comforting him and encouraging him to explore new opportunities. I even stayed with him for two days as he was feeling low. But then, financial discussions started creating conflicts, and we began fighting daily. He says he loves me and doesn’t want to lose me, yet he refuses to support my desire to help my parents. I’m not asking him for financial help-I just want to contribute to my parents’ well-being with my own earnings.
He also has anger issues, and I’ve always tried to calm him down. I don’t know exactly what drew me to him, but I feel like I love him deeply, while his love for me seems conditional. He has never once tried to surprise me, whereas I constantly put in small efforts to make him feel special. No matter the time, I always picked up his calls to comfort him. I have a good relationship with his family and have never disrespected them.
However, he repeatedly blames my father, saying that if he had been financially responsible and not in debt, we could have been married by now. He makes this comment every day, and I can’t tolerate it. It always leads to fights, after which he apologizes-only to repeat the same behavior again.
Deep down, I know neither of us will be happy in this relationship. He prioritizes money above all else, and his constant blame and lack of emotional support are exhausting. And yet, despite knowing all this, we keep getting drawn back to each other.
How do I let go of this attachment?~
most of the suggestions u get here will be people trying to take advantage of u. asking u to try talking to them and they will give u some happiness.while all they need wud be some lust. do not take suggestions. make ur own decisions. Why wanna stay with someone who cannot keep u happy or atleast try to make u happy considering ur trails to make him happy. Doesn’t respect ur parents and on top of it blames them of his loss.
you better move out of this as soon as possible. or else ur whole life will be a hell and ull even be stopped to visit ur parents.
why such toxic rltn. discuss this with ur father they wud wanna get u married.bt no parent wants their daughter to suffer . hope they’ll understand his behaviour..
hope u consider this and move away from him
hope dat helped. all the best for ur future.hope u have a good one