My father was a very abusive person. His sister used to manipulate him against my mother and me. I had a really bad relationship with my father to this day. He would be the first person to rejoice in our downfall. In 2015, I became friends with this man, and in 2018, he proposed to me, but I rejected him, saying I didn’t have any feelings for him. In 2019, we started a long-distance relationship, chatting and planning for the future.
I come from an educationally strong background and a reputable family, and I always wanted my partner to be well-educated and have a prestigious job. Later on, he moved to a Gulf country with an average salary. In 2022, I got a reputed job with a good salary. To maintain the respect of my family and my own reputation, I insisted that he try for a job in a foreign country. He wanted to move with me on a dependent visa because I earn well and have valuable skills. He was trying to get to Canada, and I helped and supported him, but he failed the IELTS exam.
He spends most of his income on his family, but his mother and sisters are very mean and selfish. They don’t want him to succeed because their daughters are struggling in life. His mother always gives him all the responsibility, and when it comes time to ask for support from his family, they say, “It’s your decision, we are not responsible.” They don’t motivate him to grow and constantly scare him. He won’t take any step in life without the approval of his family. If they approve, he proceeds, otherwise, he denies.
I understand that family is important to each of us, but is it acceptable to spend 75% of your income on someone who doesn’t care about you? And when I ask him about buying things for our future, he says, “We both will work and do it.” Thinking the marriage might not last, I broke up with him in 2024, but he continued messaging my mother, greeting her with “Hi” and “Hello.”
Now I find myself in a difficult situation. I struggled a lot in my childhood because of my father. Now that I am an independent woman, my father isn’t looking for any matches for me, nor does he consider me his responsibility. But if I marry this man, what if he turns out to be like my father? What if he always listens to his mother and ruins our marriage? Right now, I’m mentally and emotionally broken and unable to take any action.