I’m 28, and I fell for this guy who’s 30. Four years ago, I met him on social media. At first, he was everything I thought I wanted-romantic, attentive, all the right vibes. He was caring, and I fell hard.
Looking back, I should have seen the warning signs. One of the biggest ones came early on when his ex saw us together. The moment he spotted her, he almost ran. She confronted him about me right then and there. That should have been my wake-up call. But I ignored it, thinking I was different. I wasn’t.
I was dumb. The moment he realized I was falling for him, everything changed. His attitude shifted, and when I finally confessed my feelings, he seemed to enjoy it-like it boosted his ego-but made it clear he wasn’t looking for anything serious. I should have walked away, but I didn’t. I was so deep in love, too tangled up to let go. That’s when the lies started.
He’d cancel plans to go out with other women, and when I confronted him, he used to say I was making it all up in my delusional mind. Things got worse for me when he went out of state for work. He started completely ignoring me, like I didn’t exist. He used to give me chunks of his time when he had nothing else to do. His attention was always on the new girls around him, and I became obsessed with him-constantly wondering where he was, who he was with, who he was talking to. I knew he was talking to other girls; he’d even brag about it 24/7. The compliments, the gifts he was getting from them-it all crushed me.
I spiraled into a deep depression, and one day he said he was tired of seeing my depressed face. That stung. I almost cut him off, but then he apologized, so I stayed. Even when I joked about him proposing to me one day, he just laughed it off, making me feel like I was worth nothing in that moment.
But he used to act very nice sometimes, making me feel like we had something special. One day, he showed me a picture of a girl and told me he was going to take her out on a date. I thought he was joking, so I didn’t pay much attention. But he actually started ignoring me and being rude without any reason.
I tried to fix things as much as I could, but depression and insecurities made it even worse. He started being too rude, so I started pulling back, giving him less attention. Whenever I called, he seemed annoyed. Eventually, I just stopped calling altogether. I was depressed, even suicidal, and he didn’t care. I started questioning everything.
Then, out of nowhere, he started giving me attention again. But one day, during a call, I had this gut feeling something was off. He was being too nice to me, so I asked him if he was seeing someone, and he admitted he’d gotten physical with a colleague. He said he loved her but couldn’t be with her because she was married.
Part of me saw it coming, but it still hurt. I cried all night. The next day, he acted like nothing had happened, like he hadn’t just ripped my heart out. I told him not to contact me again, and if he did, I’d tell his girlfriend. He accused me of trying to traumatize him. I blocked him everywhere.
Then, on my birthday, he called me using another number, sweet as ever. Although he was being nice, I acted rudely. It took me back to where I was weeks ago. I spent the whole day crying.
Now, as my birthday approaches again, I’m scared he might call. And I’m still here, wondering… what did I lack? Why wasn’t I enough for him?
You fell for a guy who initially seemed perfect but turned out to be manipulative and unkind. Despite numerous red flags, you stayed in the relationship, hoping things would improve. He lied, ignored you, and sought attention from other women, which took a toll on your mental health. Even after he admitted to being involved with someone else, his behavior left you feeling worthless and questioning yourself.
It’s crucial to understand that you didn’t lack anything; his actions reflect his own issues, not your worth. To move forward, focus on your mental and emotional well-being, seek support from friends, family, or a therapist, and prioritize self-care. Over time, you’ll heal and find healthier, more fulfilling connections. You deserve to be treated with love, respect, and kindness.