Our relationship lasted 5.5 years. He chased me for a whole year before I finally said yes. I’d been hurt before, so I was hesitant. But he seemed sensitive and kind, knew all about my past, and made me feel safe. Initially, he was amazing-putting in real effort, spending time with me, and making me feel special. But after about a year, life got busy with exams and college, and he began changing. He distanced himself, becoming selfish. I tried to be understanding, but it hurt to see him turn into someone else.
From the start, I was clear about one thing: no sex before marriage. He agreed without any issue. But after a year, he started pressuring me, saying if I really loved him, I’d give in. I stood my ground for almost two years, enduring his constant emotional manipulation and fights over it. He even blamed his mental health issues on my refusal. Our relationship turned toxic, and I finally gave in, thinking it would save us. He promised marriage; he knew how much this meant to me. So, I went against my own beliefs to keep him happy, to bring peace.
But peace never came. His behavior worsened even after I gave in. Suddenly, spending time together was “too much.” He wanted me to “get my own life,” as if asking for 10-15 minutes to catch up about our day was unreasonable. I even adjusted my plans to fit around his, just to be close. But he’d find fault in everything I did. If he lost a tournament, it was somehow my fault. He gaslighted me into thinking basic things like communication and quality time were too much to ask.
He’d make me cry every day. But I kept trying. I’d made a commitment, and I thought love meant accepting him as he was. Whenever he hurt me, I’d just pick up the pieces myself. When I needed support, he’d check out, make some empty promise, and carry on as if nothing happened. His disregard for my mental health left me shattered.
Eventually, I reached my breaking point. He had plans to go abroad without even asking my input, expecting me to just follow along. I told him if he wanted me to leave everything behind, he needed to treat me better. He agreed, then changed his mind a few days later, bluntly saying he wouldn’t change for anyone.
But I still couldn’t let go. Five and a half years together, and I’d already sacrificed so much. He’d become my whole world. Then, without warning, he dumped me, somehow twisting the blame onto me for “asking him to change.” I begged him to take me back, even apologizing for things that weren’t my fault. I knew he was cruel, but I’d invested everything in him.
He kept me dangling for months, taking me back briefly, then dumping me again, over and over. Finally, he said he was done and cut me off completely. I was left broken, with my career, health, and future all in shambles, and he didn’t look back once. I reached such a low point, I started planning my own death.
In those dark days, my parents showed me an unimaginable amount of love. They didn’t know the details, but my health was deteriorating, and they cared for me without question. I realized that while he wouldn’t even blink at my death, my parents would be destroyed. I was all they had. I didn’t want their lives to be shattered over someone who didn’t deserve an ounce of my love.
So here I am, struggling but choosing to live. I just want to know-is there any hope for someone like me to find love? Will any man accept me, knowing what I’ve been through? I’m coming of age, and my parents want me to settle down, but I’m so terrified of trusting someone again.