I met a guy through an online chat portal in 2023. We chatted/called, and the relationship continued for 6 months without even seeing each other. We shared pictures after 6 months in 2024, after which he decided to end the connection we shared, as he wished to date a fairer girl. He made some egregious statements about dusky complexion, like not being able to tolerate it and feeling disgusted, and what not even though he has the same complexion as mine.
Those statements haunt me every day. Being a dusky girl in a place like India, I grew up where people never passed any racist comments, considering I was smart in other areas be it school or work. It came as a shock to me, as I remember telling him about my complexion and other features during the first month of our virtual relationship. But after 6 months, I was broken and failed at my job and in life.
I fell into depression and became suicidal, because of which a mutual friend connected to that guy and told him about my condition and scolded him. After 4 months, the guy came back to me to seek help as he was not doing well in life. He was unable to get a job and was failing too. He said I hold the same place as his mother and am like a family member to him. I supported him but asked him to discontinue chatting with me.
But he didn’t listen and texted me on other social media platforms. After seeing all his efforts, I gave him another chance, and it continued for another 10 months. I wanted to meet him during this time, but my confidence was broken. I couldn’t even get out of the house, as I thought people would only stare at me because of my dusky complexion. In between, he showed support and said he would get a job near my city, we would stay together, and he would help me heal from the scar his words caused me.
He said he was in love with me, but my mind and depression played games I got even worse and started harming myself. I tried therapy and solo travelling, but nothing worked. Failed overdoses and sickness made everything worse. He acted like he supported me, but he never came to meet me. And in the 7th month, he said he only cared for me and that those words were just a mistake.
I always loved him without ever bothering about his looks, but I lost all my confidence and willingness to live my life. I gave my best in my career, life, and love. No one deserves to be used like this. It seems like he just used me and played with words. I love him with all my heart, and meeting him is still a dream for me, but now I’m even struggling to live my life. Sometimes, it gets hard very hard. I don’t want to kill myself, but I feel so used mentally.
No one has the right to come into someone’s life and destroy them. Now he has blocked me from everywhere and changed his number. I feel helpless, as he approached me whenever he needed me, but as soon as he got a job and was in a better state, he left me and broke all the promises of meeting me. It’s been almost a year I’ve been battling these mental health issues. His statements haunt me to this day.
Question: What should I do?
Option 1: How to move on when I am still in love with him
Option 2: How to forgive him
Option 3: I don’t know what I should do
Hi Lohitha,
You are very good from your heart, I feel very sad after reading what happened to you.
It will be very challenging to forget him and move on, but you have to do that, then only you will be back as how you used to be before you met him.
Forgive is only option so that you will be staying peacefully and forgets about him. But don’t forget what mistakes you did when you are with him. So this problems won’t repeat in your life again.