Hello everyone. I am an engineer by profession and recently got a marriage proposal from someone whose parents happen to be distant family friends. The point here is, during my college days, around 7 to 8 years ago, I entered into a relationship that lasted for about 8 to 10 months with a sadist who was totally abusive and tortured me to the core. It was a forced relationship where he blackmailed me, saying he would commit suicide if I didn’t accept, etc., etc.,
And out of fear at such a young age, I accepted-and the torture started. He even hit me a few times. He forced me many times for sex, but I didn’t allow him to take that advantage and always told him that I wanted it only after marriage. Later, I realized this guy was such a horrible person that he had entered the relationship only for sex and money, and nothing else. For him, if it’s not me, then it would be someone else.
I caught him talking with many girls while being in a relationship with me, sexting them too. I managed to break up after living my life in hell for around 8 months-without losing my virginity. All thanks to the stars who saved me from this asshole, and to my willpower too. He also had a terrible group of friends whose mentality was literally the same as his. They even slut-shamed me and spread bad things about me in college without even knowing anything about me. Their mentality is just crap.
I never entered into another relationship after that and have been single for many years. Now, when I received this marriage proposal, I did a small background check and found out that this guy and my ex-boyfriend’s friends were classmates in 11th and 12th grade (PUC), not in engineering. I don’t know how connected they are now, but I feel they knew each other as classmates usually do, though they are not very close friends as far as I could find out. But I don’t know the reality.
The thing is, I’m a virgin-l preserved it for my husband. If I proceed with this match and if this guy finds out about my college days and realizes that there are mutual acquaintances from his PUC days, he might enquire about me. And if they slut-shame me again, which is completely untrue, I’m pretty sure-even if I tell him the truth-he might still believe his friends’ words and think of me as a slut. I may lose my entire dignity in front of my family. Because often, a man believes such false assumptions about a woman without a second thought.
Am I overthinking here? The man who sent the marriage proposal seems like a great guy. I haven’t even spoken to him yet, not even once, but I just felt it. I started loving him like crazy since the time I saw his photo. This is the first-ever marriage proposal I’ve received and I’ve already started imagining our future together. I’m loving him so much. I haven’t said yes to my parents yet because the issue I mentioned earlier is dragging me down so badly.
I feel like crying, and I have been crying because I don’t want to let go of this marriage proposal at any cost. But you know, in this generation, if one good girl gets slut-shamed because of a few assholes for their timepass, her life gets so spoiled that no guy would be ready to marry her. So I’m thinking about all these things and am scared to say yes. What if he enquires about me? But this marriage proposal guy is the one whom I’ve loved wholeheartedly just by seeing his photo.
What should I do now, guys? Should I say no to the match and live a distant life, or share everything with him and, if he accepts, get married? Or stay silent as I am not at all at fault here and pray to God that he doesn’t enquire about me with his old friends? (The thing is, I know if he enquires, unfortunately, he is going to believe his friends’ opinion about me rather than my real, painful past-like all the other boys do.) If he gets to know in the future too, then my life will become miserable.
I got the deadline to say yes or no by this Sunday, and I badly, badly want to say yes, yes, yes, and jump like a baby elephant, hug him, and get married within a week itself. But see how, because of one bad boy in my life who forced me into a relationship by blackmailing me (using terms like suicide and all), my life has been impacted so badly that I can’t even take a decision which I badly want to lead a happy life.
Please boys, if you really want to marry a girl, then only enter into a relationship. Please don’t do timepass with her or force her just for your needs. Her life is going to be affected in so many ways. If a girl is slut-shamed, no one is going to marry her regardless of her virginity, but the assholes who cheated are going to be happily married. Never do that. Karma is going to hit back one day.