I live in a small town right now. I am 26, an only child, and my father is 69 years old. I completed my B.Tech at an NIT and started a software job in Bangalore. I came home during COVID and went into depression. I eventually came out of it and started preparing for government jobs.
Two years ago, I went to my uncle’s house in Hyderabad and wanted to try online dating. So I installed Bumble and met some guys. None of them clicked, but one stood out. We met once for ice cream and had a heartfelt conversation. He was completely into me, and while I wasn’t initially attracted to him physically, I loved him so much mentally. I asked him questions as if I were considering him as a prospective groom.
He clearly stated that he isn’t interested in marriage. For one year, we talked almost every day and understood each other deeply. Eventually, I started finding him very cute and promising. He is the greenest flag. He understands me and treats me like no one else in the world. I have never been loved the way he loves me.
I started traveling to other cities for exams, and we began meeting once a month. He even visited my town, where there was only one hotel that allowed unmarried couples. It took him time to become comfortable with physical intimacy, and he says no one turns him on except me. He is ready to do anything for me-except marriage.
For a little background, his father passed away a few years ago, and he became the man of the house, taking care of his family. He is responsible for them but lives separately because he believes they are not good for his mental peace and health. He doesn’t want to take on additional responsibilities right now. From the beginning, he made it clear that this relationship might not end in marriage. Even if it does, it will only be after he turns 30.
We are the same age, and he is also from another NIT. Ideally, I am also not interested in marriage, but our society doesn’t respect unmarried women, so I am willing to take that step. He is from another state and another caste. If my parents found out, they would probably scold me at first, but with a little persistence, they would eventually accept him. However, he is not ready.
In one of our conversations, he said he wouldn’t marry until his sister is settled and married and his mother is taken care of. I respect that very much since he is the ideal boyfriend anyone could ask for. But how can I convince him to marry me?
Ideally, I would wait for him, but my dad is already 69 and has health issues. I am still financially dependent on him. I want to become financially independent (secure a government job), lose some weight, and then look for prospective grooms.
Am I wasting my time?
Question: What should I do?
1. Tell my parents
2. Convince him to marry me
3. Achieve financial independence and then see
4. Forget and look for other grooms
taking the 3rd point as consideration would be good for u. he isn’t intrested in marriage.then h waiting for him wud be some of a waste of time. become independent 1st. later if he is interested u could get married or else ull get other men for a groom.
atleast u won’t be a burden to ur dad if u get a job.