This is not a blaming story, so people don’t start any games. I was in a relationship for around 7 months, but we were sure about marriage and everything. This was both our first relationship technically (as we were only at the talking stage with other people before). Everything was good, and we were happy. He’s the best thing that had happened to me, and he’ll always be the best.
I admired him from the very start (you know when a child gets his/her first chocolate and there’s this spark in their eyes? Like that). Every time I met him, it grew exponentially. And he treated me like a queen. In Hindi, it’s like “Palko pe bithake rakhta tha vo mujhe.” Both our parents knew, it was just my dad who didn’t. Just so, it happened that some doubts started creeping into my mind, and the way I have seen people behave after marriage-and all those stories around the world-didn’t help.
And some other issues didn’t help either. Out of nowhere, I started to feel that things were getting rushed. It was mid-February when he was back home with his parents. I asked a question, and he told me about the worst-case scenario and a good scenario. My mind went for that worst case, and it got stuck on that. I said some irrevocable things over time, and I initiated the breakup.
He was baffled and started explaining random things about the world, knowing I was crying. But after 2 days, I realized my mistakes and went back. But it was not the same anymore. He got sick-very sick-and was not able to speak due to all that he went through. His parents got worried; he was that sick. I tried everything I could to apologize and get things back together. I have seen what he went through, but I went through the same thing-maybe at a lesser intensity-as I was in my practical mindset, and he was in his emotional mindset.
Which later I got to understand-it’s not about the situation, it’s always about the person. I regret breaking the heart of a person who was just looking for love from me. I still want him in my life, but I know he’ll never be able to trust me. The undercover words from my side were that I wanted my career, and swapping countries might be a hindrance-even with parents. He was talking about the worst scenario and might have been thinking about me being with him in the worst, together.
But I was too stupid to understand it. I am trying to heal, but everything brings back the moments. But I only want the best for him-with me or without me. I might have hurt him enough. That’s the feeling I have right now.
Question: How can a person heal who’s dealing with internal regrets?
Option 1: Accept everything and move on
Option 2: Stay regretting and get stuck