Two years ago, I met a boy in my college. He is four years older than me. He approached me first, and soon we became good friends. We started chatting and calling for long hours and spending a lot of time together. We shared our secrets, family problems, life struggles, and past relationships. One day, he proposed to me, and since I had also developed feelings for him, I said yes.
Before our relationship, he told me that he had three ex girlfriends. He said he broke up with the first one due to family issues, and the other two cheated on him. He pretended to be the perfect guy for me. He used to take care of me and shower me with love. Our relationship was going very smoothly for the first 1.5 months. We would talk for hours on calls, chat constantly, and go on dates.
One day, he invited me to his home and started getting physically affectionate, which I also liked because I loved him very much. Then he started touching me intimately, and since I had never been that close to a male before, I felt somewhat uncomfortable and stopped him. After that, he began emotionally blackmailing me, saying that if I didn’t let him touch me, he would never talk to me again. I got scared because I was afraid of losing him, so I allowed him.
After that, we started meeting at his place frequently and became more physically close. We cuddled, kissed, and engaged in foreplay but did not have sex. Then one day, after our college exams, he took me to his home and started getting intimate. I stopped him, and he assured me he wouldn’t go all the way but he did, without asking me. Since it was my first time, it hurt a lot. I told him it was painful and begged him to stop, but he didn’t listen and continued.
That’s how I lost my virginity to him, and that day, we had sex for the first time. Before him, I was also in a relationship, but I never wanted a physical relationship before marriage. I was kind of scared of it. I’m an old school person in this Gen Z world. I wanted to save myself for my future husband. I told him all of this, and he said it was okay because he would never leave me. After that day, we started having sex whenever we met.
One day, while cuddling, I asked him if he had been with anyone before me, and he said yes three times. I thought he meant three times in total, but then he clarified that he meant three different girls. I was heartbroken and asked him why he hadn’t told me earlier. He said it wasn’t something important to mention. When I asked how many times, he said 2 3 times with two of them and uncountable times with one.
As a virgin, I had always expected my partner to experience it for the first time with me. To me, sex is something precious between two people, and I believe it should be special. But since I loved him deeply and he loved me too, I decided to ignore this. However, things took a turn one day when I went to his home, and he was drunk. He suddenly started vomiting, so I helped him to the bathroom.
While sitting there, he started talking about his past relationships and confessed that he had been with 6 to 7 girls. He even mentioned taking a random girl from a bus to his home. Hearing all of this crushed me because I had given him my virginity and loved him so much. I had never thought of leaving him before. After 1.5 months of our relationship, he started acting weird.
He didn’t care about me as much as he used to, stopped answering my calls, and started doing things that hurt me like taking pictures with other girls, texting them behind my back, liking and commenting on their posts, and even meeting them. There was a point when I lost all hope that this relationship would survive. But I held on alone, and after some time, things started getting better.
Although now he loves me, shows care, and has improved his actions, I still can’t forget the disrespect, heartbreak, and lies. I understand that these things happen in relationships, but I believe it’s our responsibility to be honest before committing to someone. I told him everything about my past, but he started our relationship with lies. Despite this, he assures me that he will change and wants another chance, even though I have already given him many.
He says he can’t live without me. I have considered forgiving him, but as an overthinker and a sensitive person, everything stays in my mind, and I feel stuck. I can’t seem to move on or forget about it.
Question: What should I do now?
Option 1: Should I stay and forgive him, forgetting all of this?
Option 2: Or should I leave him for what he did to me?