I am married to my love of 8 years, a relationship that started back in college. He was possessive, often using foul language with me, but I overlooked it. After college, I moved to his city. Many times, I tried to break up, but he wouldn’t let me go. He has anger issues, but I was too deep in to walk away. After five years of dating, I fell severely ill. I was in a coma for 45 days and spent three months in a private hospital that my mom could barely afford.
When I finally woke up, he and my mother were by my side. Later, my mom told me he had taken out loans, contributing over 15 lakhs for my treatment. Neither of us was financially well-off, and he even quit his job to stay with me in the hospital since I was in a different city, and my family couldn’t be there constantly. For three years, he was my only caretaker (my mom could stay only for six months).
I saw him cry for me, desperate for me to recover. I checked his WhatsApp messages afterward and found out he’d borrowed money from colleagues to pay for my treatment. His elder brother once told me that, during my hospital stay, he cried every night. His brother would give him a little whisky to calm him down, but it turned into a habit. The doctor had said there was no guarantee I’d ever walk again, but he still promised my mom he’d marry me no matter what condition I was in.
Miraculously, I started walking after six or seven months, and he took care of me for another year before we got married, 18 months into my recovery. Even on my wedding day, I could barely feel my body. His family treated me like their own-his elder brother even cleaned up after me when I vomited, and his mother would massage my legs. They were truly a blessing.
It’s been two years since we got married. He took no dowry, no gifts, never once asked my parents for money for my treatment. He earns about 50K monthly, with around 10K going towards my medicines and tests. I’m still on bedrest, but he’s changed from a possessive boyfriend into a caring husband. My relatives say he’s god-gifted. Everyone loves him. Due to the brain damage from my coma, I had to quit my studies, but he’s encouraging me to start again.
Now, he drinks almost daily with friends. I’ve asked him to stop, but he doesn’t listen, and we argue about it. Before I got sick, we had a physical relationship, but since marriage, we’ve only been together a handful of times. When I ask him why he maintains his distance, he gets rude and says, “You’re fighting a life-threatening disease, and you’re worried about this? Focus on your health.”
Once, he even broke down, hugging me, saying he didn’t want to risk harming me for temporary pleasure. Yet, my doctor clearly told us there’s no issue in being physically intimate. We’ve started being intimate again, but very rarely, maybe twice a month. Whenever I approach him, he gets angry, and sometimes he even tells me, “Don’t behave like that.
Respectful women don’t ask for this.” I’m 100% sure he’s not having an affair; I know he wouldn’t do that. But how can a 27-year-old man avoid intimacy so much? He doesn’t even like to cuddle. Even now, two years into marriage, I sleep on the bed, and he sleeps on the floor. We’re only intimate when he wants, and it’s always on his terms.
Is this normal for a husband and wife to be like this? Is it my health that’s making him avoid me, or is it that he doesn’t love me anymore? Marrying me was entirely his decision-neither my family nor his family forced him. He works during the day and plays games on his phone until 2-3 a.m. at night. Is he really happy with me? We’re married, and while we’re there for each other, he seems emotionally unavailable.