My Boyfriend Lies, Tinder, and Hidden Past Are Unfolding Now

I’ve been reading confessions in this website but never thought I’d share mine on this website. I have been dating my boyfriend, now fiancé, for five years. We met through a mutual friend’s suggestion on Facebook, and our roommates were classmates. I liked him, but I was dating someone else at the time, and that relationship eventually ended.

Five to six months later, I came across my now-partner’s text, and we enjoyed spending time together, though it was mostly over calls. We got into a long-distance relationship-he had never been in one before, and I felt special knowing how exclusive I was to him. We started off well and met in person six months later during his leave. We had sex, and things went smoothly after that. There were small fights here and there due to a lack of attention and time, but they were always minor, and we bounced back with consideration for each other’s feelings.

Over the years, we opened up and shared stories from our pasts, so it felt like we had known each other forever. Everything was great until our parents started talking last year, and we decided to get engaged in January 2024. However, in December, just before our engagement, he decided to open up about things he had kept to himself.

He had always told me I was his only one, but that December, he retold a past story I only partially knew. He mentioned his first kiss with someone, which I had no idea had even happened. Even though it was before we started dating, I felt betrayed. We eventually patched things up, got engaged, and spent time together.

Later, while going through his WhatsApp, I found out he had sold a Tinder Premium subscription in one of his WhatsApp groups. He told me he never used it. Then, I also discovered that his friend had a one-night stand with a girl after a party, and my fiancé had spoken to her and even dropped her off outside the gate. Both of these instances happened in December, just a month before our engagement. That same girl also gifted my fiancé a kurta for his birthday because he was “nice” to her, and he wore it to our main event, always telling me his friends had bought it for him.

I was shocked. We had a major argument, but we moved past it. He also told me he had stopped smoking, which we both decided in January 2024 as we were getting closer to our engagement and wanted to make positive lifestyle changes. I was a casual social drinker, and he smoked. But then, I found out he had continued smoking regularly for the past nine months since our engagement.

Another issue that upset me was that, on his birthday last year and this year, he went to his friend’s hotel room, where his friend’s girlfriend was also present. Since I wasn’t there, I didn’t feel comfortable with this and asked him not to go to hotel rooms at midnight in the presence of another woman. I don’t meet his friends in that way, and I didn’t feel good about it. However, he repeated it this year-he went to see the couple even though I was in his city the next day on his actual birthday. That woman didn’t even meet me, which made me feel even more uncomfortable.

He is a nice guy and respects women when they are nice to him, but he lacks the exclusive barrier he always made me believe existed. He has always told me that I am the only woman in his life besides his mother and sister. Since he is in the Armed Forces, he has limited female interaction, but I later found images of him partying with some of his juniors-something I was completely unaware of.

Similarly, he once claimed, “I have stopped watching porn,” but today, I came across his browser history. I wasn’t looking for it-I was studying, and it appeared in my history suggestions. These instances have been happening since last July. I feel hurt, numb, and don’t know what to say. If I confront him, he apologizes and justifies his actions.

We are getting married in three months, and I’ve started feeling like I never really knew him. ~ Anonymous

Question:

Should I patch things up and confess that I saw his history, bring up everything that bothers me, or simply break up? If I break up, how should I do it, considering my parents won’t support me and I may not be able to share all of this with them?

Options:

1. Break up

2. Confess only this new issue

3. Confess all the past issues along with the new one

4. Ignore it and let it go