Our relationship started in 2017. I liked him, but I never approached him. Then he proposed to me, and I accepted. Everything was fine for the first 6-9 months, but then things took a U-turn. He became busy, and we barely talked-maybe 2-3 times a week. I always tried to finish my work quickly so I could talk to him, but he rarely messaged first. Sometimes, he wouldn’t even say anything and would just sleep. I would stay up all night, waiting for his calls. One night, after staying up for hours, he gave me a 1-second missed call and then texted me, saying, “You didn’t pick up my call.”
When my sister’s baby passed away, he told me he was going to sleep and that I should talk in the morning. When I had a hemorrhage, he fought with me because I didn’t tell him and then blocked me. For four years, I kept trying to make things work, never letting him feel low. He used to worry about getting a job, asking me, “If I don’t get a job, will you leave me?” I always reassured him, saying, “If you work hard and still don’t get a job, then God must have something better planned for you. But if you don’t make an effort, then don’t complain about not getting a job.”
This cycle of being ignored lasted for five years. For two years, he would occasionally make an effort, but after four or five years, I got exhausted. I had to seek psychiatric help. I couldn’t sleep or eat properly. He broke all his promises. He used to say he would go to the U.S. with his brother and sister-in-law, and I believed that once he did, his family would eventually agree to our relationship.
But in June, he told me he wouldn’t go and that he would just stay where he was. He wasn’t even doing anything productive-just sitting idle. This led to constant fights for six months. We would barely talk-maybe 2-5 days a month. Then, two months later, I heard the news that his family was looking for a marriage proposal for him. I decided to take action and told my cousin. After so many years, when marriage was finally being discussed, my cousin told me that his parents had no one to take care of them, so he had to stay. I accepted that and kept supporting him as he started a business.
I promised him that his parents would be like my own, and they would never have a problem with me. I even gave up on my dreams because my own family was already dealing with issues. But he never once asked me if I was okay or reassured me by saying, “I’m here with you, we’ll sort this out together.” I’ve always been the one taking a stand, making things work, and handling everything. My mental health has deteriorated badly. I can’t even tolerate people talking to me rudely anymore-even those who never used to say anything to me before.
I keep wondering if my overthinking is causing these fights. He keeps saying, “You’ll ruin our home by fighting. Look at my sister-in-law, she never fights like this.” Even now, I tell him, “I only need care and attention. I can handle everything else, even if you don’t earn.” ~ Anonymous
Question: What should I do?
Option 1: Am I the one who was wrong?
Option 2: Am I over expecting or overthinking?