During the lockdown, I reconnected with someone from college. I was preparing for competitive exams, and so was he. We both were dealing with similar struggles, which made it easy to reconnect. He helped me a lot with my studies, and we ended up talking daily. I thought we had become good friends how naive of me. He started flirting with me, and I brushed it off as harmless fun (big mistake I should have drawn the line there).
I completely missed the signals he was giving off. He was clearly only interested in casual flings and openly admitted he wasn’t over his ex, but somehow, I convinced myself that we were just friends. Before I knew it, I was sucked into a virtual fling that crossed every boundary I never thought I’d let go of. It escalated into sexting, and that’s when my self respect went straight out the window.
I started developing feelings for him, stupidly hiding them, hoping he’d magically fall for me and commit. But instead, he started boasting about his other sexting partners, rubbing it in my face that I was just another notch on his belt. He passed his exams and moved on with his life while I was left clinging to the crumbs of whatever self worth I had left. Whenever I tried to distance myself, he’d pull me back in, like a puppet on a string.
It took me a while, but I finally realized I was trauma bonded to this manipulative jerk. I was so desperate for his validation that I had lost all sense of who I was. I started to watch reels about situationships and recognized the toxic cycle I was stuck in. I began doing the hard inner work journaling, introspection, and practicing self love. The hardest but most necessary step was setting firm boundaries physical, emotional, and sexual. I redefined my values and swore never to compromise them again.
Three months ago, I finally mustered the strength to cut him off. But the scars are still there. I still feel the pull to go back to him, but every time I resist, I reclaim a little more of my self worth. I deeply regret not setting boundaries sooner, but I’m proud of the progress I’ve made. To anyone out there who’s been through something similar: put your self worth above everything, and learn to say NO when you mean it. Don’t let anyone treat you like an option when you deserve to be a priority.