Hi, I am 25 years old, and I don’t understand how my marriage fell apart like this.
I was with my wife for six years before marrying, and I loved her deeply. Despite her parents being against our marriage, we got married. They had agreed to attend, but at the last minute, her mother called my office, found out I had left my job, and backed out. Before marriage, I had been completely honest with my wife about my plans to change careers, and she had no issues with it.
Her parents were against it because we both didn’t have proper qualifications, but I always felt it was because they wanted her to marry someone wealthy and also wanted her money. That’s why they didn’t even try to be normal with me before marriage. My wife noticed this and was very against them, which is why we suddenly decided to marry. But after marriage, everything changed.
Just after we got married, my mother had a stroke, and my wife fell ill. I told her I would take care of her in our home state, but she chose to go with her mother instead and stayed there for three months. When she finally returned, we spent another three months together, and then she left me, saying she couldn’t live with my family and didn’t like the lifestyle. She claimed my dad was controlling, and my mom always supported me unnecessarily, but this isn’t true.
They aren’t like that, and I’ve noticed this all these years. She barely understood them, nor did she give them a chance. Also, she’s talking about the same parents who spent a fortune on our wedding without asking anything from her or her family, purely out of love and support for us. She assumed too much in just three months instead of trying to adjust.
Throughout our relationship, I was always honest and loyal to her. I never lied, never cheated, and gave her my complete trust and love. Yes, we had fights and arguments, but whenever I got angry, I would always apologize first. I never let my ego get in the way; I always bowed down, thinking she loved me in her own way. But when things got tough, she didn’t stand by me. I was struggling mentally-my mother was seriously ill, my wife was sick, and I was under immense pressure because of the career change. Please note, this all happened in just three months, so I was under extreme stress because of changing careers. Instead of supporting me, she left me when I needed her the most.
For years, I felt like she lacked empathy, but I believed that after marriage, things would change. I thought she would finally understand me, finally see the love and care I had given her for six years. But she didn’t. She never understood my struggles, my emotions, or my pain. Instead, she chose to leave when I was at my weakest. In my frustration, I lost control and hit her sometimes, even pulled her hair before marriage.
That was my mistake. But not in the way she describes-not to control her, not to harm her, but out of extreme frustration. I don’t even remember it because I was extremely hurt and crying before and after these incidents, like how someone swats at a mosquito when they lose patience. I regret it deeply. But now, she calls it abuse, making me look like a monster. Yes, I made mistakes, but what about the intense love I showed for all these years? Why doesn’t that matter? Why didn’t she see the cry for help and understanding?
I was jobless, so she paid rent for a few months, but I had already suggested we leave the house since we weren’t staying there as she was with her mom when she was ill. We had married as equals, and I never expected her to carry all the burden alone. But instead of giving me time to find a job, she cut me off completely. We were equals, so if she had been in a similar situation of losing her job or going out of control, I would never have left her. I would always be with her-this she knows. And I expect us to be equal. I do everything at home as well-no man-woman boundaries. I am her loudest cheerleader, even if she earns more than me.
A little bit about her: she’s an introvert, and she has no charisma or communication skills. She isn’t too pretty for the attitude she has, nor is she rich or from a wealthy family. They just have high expectations and even treated their daughter poorly. They didn’t even come to her wedding.
She was so alone, but I was with her. My family supported her. In my eyes, I didn’t do half of the things they did or put her down the way they did. Why didn’t she block them after marriage? She told me it was their decision and didn’t even hold a grudge, but against me, once I went wrong, she did all this. Then, while I was still in the country, she filed a police case against me. I got completely scared because her family had already turned against me, and I didn’t know what would happen next. With no support, no job, and the fear of legal trouble, I had no choice but to leave and return to my home state.
I even went to her house to talk, but her parents threatened to call the police. I feel betrayed. She never communicated before leaving, never tried to fix things, and just left. If I was truly abusive, she would be scared-but she’s not. I feel like she regrets marrying me and now wants to remarry so her parents can be involved this time. I don’t want a divorce. Yes, I made mistakes, but I feel she backstabbed me instead of working things out. I’ve loved her for so long, and now she has turned everyone against me. She says I’ve hit her multiple times, which isn’t true, and she’s told this to my friends. She should’ve kept it to herself until we solved this, but she destroyed my image as well.
I can’t explain it to everyone, and I don’t feel like telling her faults to others because no one would understand. Her faults are many, but I can’t say all these things here-private things, and because she’s my wife, I can’t tell them to the world. I’m hurt, but because I hit her, I’m the only one feeling guilty.
Why couldn’t she see the love I gave her for six years? Why didn’t she consider my mental state when my mother and wife were both ill?
Question:
Did I deserve this? What should I do now?
Option 1: Try to reconcile and work things out
Option 2: Only if she asks me to, let them come to me
Option 3: No, avoid talking to them to prevent further complications