Confession of Boyfriend Expecting Loyalty from his Girlfriend

My story starts when the girl’s father called our family for marriage after looking at my bio-data shared on WhatsApp. They are from Bangalore, and I’m from a village settled in Bangalore. On the first day, this girl told me that she had grown up like a tomboy and even flirted with many of her friends. I told her I was insecure about this and thought it would be better to stop talking and seeing each other, but she assured me that when it came to guys, she would do “anything” I said.

We both said yes and discussed everything-l mean everything. She told me about her past boyfriend, with whom she had a one-month relationship. Her parents found out that he was of a different caste, and things couldn’t move forward. So, I told her I didn’t want to know anything about her past because she was my future, and I didn’t want to hear anything that would hurt me, even a little bit (my mistake).

Then, on the day of the engagement, all of her friends came, mostly boys. At one point, they decided to take a photo with her. She didn’t care about me at all, even though I was standing just a few feet away from her, and she didn’t call me into the frame. Suddenly, one of her friends called me to join them, but she was least interested in me and didn’t call me to stand beside her while other guys were literally “glued” to her. This hurt me a little because I believed that I should be her priority, while I always kept her as mine. Maybe expectations are what hurt me. Some guys can feel this pain. We men believe that I should be the only one for her, and she will be the only one for me. Yes, I’m a little old-fashioned. But nowadays, people have normalized everything in the name of friendship.

I too have many close girl friends whom I used to hug, but I wouldn’t continue doing so as it would feel like a disrespect to her. We must have our boundaries when we are in a relationship, giving them assurance, value, and respect. However, I thought it was just the beginning, and we had only been talking for a month. I ignored everything, hoping she would understand.

But one day, she gave me her mobile and asked me to check anything, telling me to let her know what I didn’t like and that she wouldn’t do it again. (I guess she knew everything and had cleaned everything from her gallery.) But I don’t know why I directly went to her Telegram account and found one video (the first one). There, I saw her alone with six guys on a three-day trip. In that video, they were sitting in a room. One guy came in bare-bodied, and this isn’t normal for both our families (I even confronted her mother after our breakup). Not just that, but his underwear’s elastic was visible, and being a girl, she went ahead to pull it down. The video ended there. Mind you, guys, I’m not thinking anything else here. And since it was her past, I’m not in need of knowing that too. But what if that guy had pulled his underwear down and stood naked? She would have been too insulted, or if anything went south, he could easily blame her.

So, I didn’t show her this to make her feel guilty (another mistake). But I somehow believed that a girl knows good touch and bad touch and can defend herself. However, this video stirred my mind for a while, and I thought of “testing” her to see whether she would listen to me. One day, when I called her and asked her where she was, she said she had gone to a movie with her colleague (a guy). Trust me, this hurts a little when I was always eager to talk to her every moment I got, running away from my colleagues to talk to her, visiting her whenever she called me. But here she was, always enjoying herself with her guy friends. There were many instances where she valued her friends more than me.

So, I raised this question of my insecurity, and she straight away went to her father and told him. When he called me, he said, “This is the modern era; everyone will come and keep their hands on her shoulders, and she will go anywhere with anyone she wants. If you can’t adjust, then break it off and go look for another girl.” Okay, this shattered me like hell. He is the guy who hasn’t given any power to his wife but wants his daughter to do anything she likes. I talked to the girl’s mother, and she said whatever she did was wrong and that it was good only until marriage, not after being engaged to you.

But this girl didn’t listen to her mother and had the support of her father. Later, when our families got involved, another shocking news came out: she had one more relationship (which she hid from me), and she was just friends with him. He was also present at our engagement. Obviously, she hid it from me, or else there were many instances where she could have at least told me about him. So, this was another shocking thing to me, and her father also came in the middle, blindly supporting his daughter without thinking about the future.

I believe being in touch with your ex would always lead to mistakes. Even if you are over it, the other person would be hoping for a crack to appear in your next relationship. Before I could react, everything was broken, and the marriage was called off. I thought maybe she had a good reason for hiding it from me, and I talked to her later, asking her not to break our relationship.

She said, “I can block you and never him,” and from then on, I tried contacting her family, but everything was in vain. I didn’t tell her mother about the video I found until she blocked me everywhere. Girls really have that power to give you everything and take away everything, or maybe, as many of my friends say, she is still in love with him and was just trying to see whether she could move on from him by saying yes to me.

I don’t know why many of these people have made everything normal in the name of modern ways. While I even agreed to settle in their hometown for my whole life to look after her parents, to change my way of clothing as she didn’t like, and said yes to change whatever she didn’t like in me. But I liked her anyway and just wanted her to maintain boundaries with guys around her. She flipped suddenly. Maybe my fate is worse; I feel. Please give me suggestions on how to heal.