Confession of Girl having trust issues on her boyfriend

My relationship started with this guy 6 years ago. I don’t easily trust anyone, so at first, I didn’t talk to him as much as I do now. Our relationship was good for a while, but after 3 years, he called me and confessed that he had been cheating on me for the past two years. And to make matters worse, he let the other girl and me have a conference call to discuss it. Neither of us had any idea what he was going to do next, so the other girl left him, and I gave him another chance.

During this time, I got emotionally attached to him, even though he constantly abused me for “silly mistakes” like not answering his calls, eating with my female friends, or using my social media accounts. I started doing everything his way, yet he blamed me for his decision to cheat, saying that I ignored him at the start or didn’t pick up his calls.

After that incident, I began to feel severe anxiety and depression. He was with me, but the relationship didn’t feel the same. Whenever I had panic attacks, he dismissed my feelings. One day, on the same platform where I had met him, I spoke to another guy. At that moment, I just needed someone to show me love. The new guy was so sweet, making efforts to meet me, but I rejected him because of my relationship with the old guy.

As time went on, the new guy spoke to his parents about me, and this made me feel happy because I craved security. The old guy hadn’t done anything like that, even after I asked him to.

I then met the new guy’s family, and they were lovely. I started spending all my time with him without telling the old guy.

Time passed, and after another two years with the old guy, I found out he cheated on me again with that same girl. This meant he had been double-dating me with the same girl for five years. That was enough for me, so I decided to leave him and marry the new guy. But once again, the old guy cried, realized he was wrong, and begged me not to leave, promising he would never do it again. I melted because I still loved him. But now, I have zero trust in him.

So, I got engaged to the new guy, and it’s been six months. Now, I’m talking to both of them. I know I’m wrong, but for some reason, I can’t bring myself to leave the old guy. Sometimes, I feel like I’ve made the worst decision because the new guy is not always how I want him to be, and the old guy behaves the way I like. Plus, the new guy’s family isn’t financially stable, though he earns money abroad. Meanwhile, the old guy’s family is rich, but he doesn’t earn a penny and still abuses or fights with me when things go wrong.

I’m completely confused and trapped in this mess with no clear way out. Could anyone please, please, PLEASE understand my situation and give me the best advice? I’m stuck in this blunder and don’t know what to do.