I started dating a guy in January 2024, and we broke up in January 2025. It was a long-distance relationship, with almost a 2.5 hours journey between us. I used to bunk college and go to meet him once every two months.
In one of my visits, he convinced me to go to a private space (hotel) so he and I could cry and hug, as our families were about to separate us. I agreed because I also wanted to cry and hug him. So foolish of me right. He forced me, or maybe raped me, I don’t know. All I remember is that I said no, and I started crying when I saw blood. He consoled me, but then he said, “I’ll marry you, and I did this so our families can’t separate us.” This all happened just four months into the relationship. I would have never done something like this with someone in just four months.
Later, every two months, he started convincing me to do it again because, according to him, now that we had done it once, I was already his, and he would marry me, so it made no difference. No matter how much I said it was wrong or haram, it always came down to one thing-he would marry me, so it didn’t matter now that we had done it once. My mental health became horrible for the next 5-7 months after that event. I became avoidant. After every fight, I would block him, thinking I must leave before he leaves because of what happened. He would cry and beg me to come back, but I always thought he was acting because a guy like him doesn’t cry.
Fast forward to January 2025-we broke up two days after our one-year anniversary. The reason was that I used horrible foul language, blocked him, and made him cry (which was unintentional). I begged him for a second chance, but he said I had been making him cry like this in every fight ever since I became avoidant. I was trying my best to convince him, but trying to please him through a camera was hard. Then, I found out that 4-5 days after we broke up, he started dating a girl who was richer and had already had a crush on him. His friends used to tease him, saying he should date her instead because she was rich and my behavior was unacceptable (which I agree with-it truly was, but I still deserved a second chance).
He started dating her and kept me hidden for the next week or so. Although his current girlfriend has asked him to block me, he hasn’t and still checks on me daily. He knows that I always wanted to have only one body count for the rest of my life, so he understands what I must be going through. Whenever I suffer from family problems, I call him. He listens to me, gets me food to cheer me up, and even plays games with me-while his current girlfriend is on FaceTime-because my parents were rude to me that day. He has also said things like, “I’ll marry you in the future if you ever decide not to marry anyone,” and “No man should touch you.” When I remind him that he has a girlfriend, he says, “I was kidding; I was just testing you.”
Even today, when I was getting ready for my friend’s wedding, he was on FaceTime with me while I did my makeup. He saw my finished outfit and was all smiley, but the second he realized he was smiling and appreciating how pretty I looked, he told himself that he must stay strong and that he would never cry over me again. I don’t know if he ever loved me, if there is still any hope, or if he is just using his new girlfriend because I said I don’t want to be physical until marriage. He knew he could be with other girls, but it should be with my knowledge-but I also said that sarcastically. Although I am still comfortable with it as long as it doesn’t cross boundaries (which he knows), he still cares about me and says things like, “I’ll never abandon you,” or, “You cared about me, but I still care about you.”
He acts happy with her by comparing her to me but gets agitated when I tell him that my friends say he never loved me and that he only pities me because I don’t have a father. I don’t know if we still have hope. I really love him, and I think I’m no longer worthy of love because I’m not a virgin anymore. But my heart knows I would have never done that without marriage. Our families knew about us. He still hasn’t told his family that we broke up-he just has hints that they know because I told them. He doesn’t really want to see me either.
Question: Should I stay friends with him and hope it will change his heart?
Option 1: Stay friends and let the future decide.
Option 2: Pray for somebody else.