Confession of Mahesh towards her Girlfriend

I’m a 26-year-old male in a relationship with my girlfriend for the past 6 months. We were friends for a good amount of time to get to know each other well before making things serious. I’m the one who proposed to her, and she said yes. It’s my first-ever relationship with a girl. She is a rare gem, a green forest, hard to find in this generation. She loves me deeply, cares for me a lot, respects me, gives me my own personal space, and more. Honestly, we are both very happy together, and she loves me more than I do.

My girlfriend had 2 past relationships in which both of them cheated on her. Her first ex left her for another girl while they were still together. Her second ex cheated on her by giving false promises. Both were non-sexual pasts, but she once told me that she and her second boyfriend sexted during their relationship. She came clean to me even before our relationship started, so I know everything about her past. I also came clean to her without hiding anything. I have had a few crushes on girls and liked some of them enough to pursue a relationship, but none worked out.

I admit that I also have a fair share of a past, liking other girls and having crushes on them. In particular, I liked 2 girls and fell in love with them (not at the same time). There was no physical relationship involved. No flirting involved. We talked on the phone, texted, and remained friendly with each other. The first girl liked me too but kept insisting that I was a good friend to her. I approached her with the idea of a serious relationship, but she didn’t accept me and said we could be friends. I spent money on her and helped her financially, but she used me for money. I was deeply hurt and cut all ties with her then and there and moved on.

The second girl proposed to me and gave me false hopes, promising me marriage. She gave me time to think and tell her an answer. When I was about to say yes, she cheated on me by claiming that she had said all of that casually and that nothing serious was meant. I was badly hurt by her. Everything came to an end even before it started in both cases, leaving me devastated. I moved on with my life. So, I had no girlfriends in the end. I always thought someone would become my first and last, and that day finally came. I’m very happy that I finally got into a relationship and found true love, and my girlfriend became my first.

Now, my problem is that I’m not able to digest the fact that I’m the 3rd or probably the last one.

I feel very insecure about her past boyfriends. I have seen them once or twice on her IG account, as she herself showed me their pictures and profiles. She has had no contact with them for the past few years. I never sexted with any girl, nor flirted with any. I didn’t sleep with any. But this feeling of insecurity of being the boyfriend of someone’s ex (my girlfriend) kills me. I know I’m wrong here, and no one deserves this. I love her so much and don’t want to leave her at any cost, as I’m planning to marry her in the future.

I want to clearly focus on our relationship and the future we are going to build. I don’t want these negative thoughts and insecurities to weigh me down. These unwanted thoughts shouldn’t be a barrier to stopping me from loving her. I genuinely want to work on myself to change. I want to change my mindset and stop overthinking about it. Firstly, I want to accept the reality. What should I do?