I am a 28-year-old man from a small town. My father is a school teacher, and my mother is a housewife. Their marriage was a fraudulent arrangement. My grandfather (my mother’s father) approached my father and proposed marriage. My father initially declined due to his unemployment, but my grandfather promised him a respectable job. My father comes from a low-income family and is a first-generation learner. Before him, no one in his family had attended school. His father was a cobbler, and his mother was a domestic help. To support his family, he agreed to the marriage. However, after the marriage, my mother’s father reneged on his promises. Additionally, my mother lied about her education. She and her father claimed she had completed 10th grade, but she had failed the exam twice. Despite these setbacks, my father remained accepting.
After the marriage, my mother’s true nature became apparent. She was abusive and violent. I was born 1.5 years into their marriage, followed by my sister three years later. My father eventually secured a job as a teacher in a government school five years after my birth.
Since childhood, my mother abused me, my sister, and my father. My father repeatedly attempted to change her behavior, but she refused. When I was 8 years old, my mother began to se*ually abuse me. Whenever I disagreed with her, she would expose herself and say, “Do you want to f*ck me to shut up? F*ck me.” I never understood her motives.
My father pleaded with her to stop, but she persisted and blackmailed him. He is a simple man who is always afraid of her and lacks a strong background. He has been repeatedly blackmailed with false domestic violence accusations.
My mother continued her abuse until I left home for higher studies in 2014. I spent five years in another city, completing my bachelor’s and master’s degrees. Afterward, I began searching for a job. During this time, I visited home infrequently.
In early 2020, I had to return home due to the COVID-19 pandemic. My mother resumed her abusive behavior. During this time, I gained a clearer understanding of the extent of the abuse I had endured. I realized that my biological mother had abused me since childhood.
The realization of this abuse led to severe post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). I struggled with sleep, eating, and interacting with women. The memory of my mother’s actions haunted me, preventing me from forming romantic relationships. Therapists advised me to leave home permanently and never contact my mother again. However, due to my middle-class background, this is not easy. I am unsure how I will navigate the rest of my life.
I am aware that many women face sexual violence. I understand their pain, but I cannot overcome my own trauma. I am likely to live the rest of my life alone, burdened by this experience. I may never be able to have a relationship or get married. I have less than 5 friends. Due to this experience I can’t talk to people easily. I have to live rest of my life like this. My mother has no guilt for whatever she has done. She says that it was my fault that I made her angry by doing childish things in my childhood.