My partner and I have known each other for the past 8 years. We started as good friends, and over time, we developed feelings for each other. However, she would often joke that we could only be together if we were both married to other people and our spouses passed away. I respected her feelings and kept the relationship platonic until 2022. In January, her parents began pressuring her about an arranged marriage, and she asked if I wanted to be her life partner.
I was happy and said we could discuss it. The next day, she told me to forget about it and insisted we remain friends. I didn’t push it. A month later, when my own parents started looking for matches, I asked her again. She reiterated that we should stay friends. To give some context, I have health issues: I have vision in only one eye, and I have minor beta thalassemia.
My father and grandfather, who both served 30 years in the Indian Army, have the same conditions and are living healthy lives. I disclosed this to her early on since I tend to be open with close friends. Afterward, she began arguing, asking why I had proposed when she had said no. We took some space, and she started insulting me and my family, so I ended the friendship. Two months later, my parents found a match for me, and I got engaged quickly.
My parents agreed to give us a year before the wedding. However, as soon as I got engaged, she returned, saying she was ready to be with me. I broke off the engagement. I take full responsibility for involving another girl and acknowledge it was wrong. I met with my partner’s parents, but they rejected me. Even when she met with me to resolve things, she rejected me. A month later, she reached out again, suggesting a private relationship, and I agreed.
For four months, we met in another city where she worked, got intimate, and went on dates. But when we weren’t together, she would belittle me about my health and family, making derogatory comments about my mother for being a homemaker. I hoped things would improve when she met my family. Eventually, she agreed to talk to her parents if I underwent a medical checkup. I shared my history and did the tests.
On the day of the tests, during an intimate moment, she started talking about another man, which hurt me, but I said nothing. In February 2023, she and her mother received confirmation from top doctors that my health issues were minor. Despite this, she still decided not to continue the relationship. I couldn’t understand why she asked for the reports if she wasn’t serious. Four days later, she visited me and my parents, but the meeting was awkward.
She gave mixed signals about marriage, leaving my parents confused, as they expected a more formal discussion. I tried to clarify things with both families. In March, she returned to her work city and began threatening to date other men. Feeling cornered, I told her to either pursue those relationships or commit to an engagement. She stopped mentioning other men, and things seemed to calm down.
However, during our next meeting, we argued, and she accused me of “using” her. Frustrated, I suggested we get married if that’s how she felt. We fought and returned to our respective homes. At home, I learned that my brother was going abroad for studies, and my family felt I should marry soon. Anxious, I discussed marriage with my partner, but she refused. Over the next 1.5 months, I tried to convince my family to settle for an engagement and urged her to agree to marriage.
Finally, her family suggested a meeting to resolve everything. We met, agreed on an engagement, and I proposed with a diamond ring, which made her happy. She also mentioned she had bought a flat but didn’t share any details, which I respected. A month later, she started to withdraw, saying she didn’t want an engagement anymore and preferred to live together first. I agreed and rented a flat in her city.
She invited me on a trip with her friends, but during an intimate moment, she mentioned another man in the group, which upset me. When I expressed my discomfort, she accused me of mistrusting her and called her mother, saying I had accused her of cheating. The following month, my father sent an inappropriate WhatsApp forward to her father, causing tension. I apologized, as I felt it was wrong, and asked my father not to send such messages.
She got angry, threw the diamond ring and other gifts on the road, but later apologized. She also asked to cancel the engagement, citing disagreements over the ceremony size. I tried to reassure her, but she lost trust in me, leading to a back and forth situation. A month after our engagement, my dog died, and soon after, my brother left for his studies. Though emotional, I still celebrated New Year’s with her.
In February 2024, we became fully intimate for the first time, but when I didn’t last long, she mocked me, saying, “That’s it?!” I was hurt but stayed silent. Later, she argued that I couldn’t satisfy her and said I deserved someone who could perform for hours. In anger, she admitted to “keeping a backup,” which led to more conflicts. Despite the problems, we tried to reconcile. She suggested moving in together but wanted to wait two years before marrying to focus on government exams.
I was frustrated with her shifting timelines and said we should only live together if she was sure about marriage. She slapped me in public and pretended not to know me, which frightened me. She apologized, but it left a lasting impact. In the following months, tensions grew. She insulted my health, threatened to date others, and often involved her family in our disputes. In one incident, she took my phone, and when I tried to retrieve it, she hit me.
This was the breaking point for me, and our relationship deteriorated. Our families eventually met to discuss everything. Her parents were unhappy about past incidents, and I felt they were twisting the story against me. I decided I wouldn’t tolerate her behavior anymore and set conditions: mutual respect, equal financial contributions, some time with my family post marriage to get comfortable, and quarterly visits to my hometown.
Her father suggested that men should be “suppressed” in relationships, but I stood by my demand for equality. Now, I’m at a crossroads. Her mother occasionally calls, urging me to go back to the way things were, saying involving my parents was a mistake. I’m holding firm to my conditions, but I’m torn should I remain steadfast or end it all, hoping she becomes more understanding?